“Your reputation is in the hands of others. That’s what the reputation is. You can’t control that. The only thing you can control is your character.”
Wayne W. Dyer

This morning, as I laid in a state of deep meditation, I began to cry tears of graditude.  My life is changing, simply because my perception of life has changed.  Those who are closest to me spiritually applaud the change.  They know my previous way of thinking and the level of self criticism I placed on myself was my biggest road block.  My big ass brain, which holds tons on intellect, was also cluttered with fear and guilt.

It has taken me over five years to re-train my brain and work on repressed childhood issues.  My new found happiness was a choice I made a long time ago and it takes daily discipline to appreciate and remain in it.  The stomach, which is now being scientifically tested as the “second brain”, is lead by our mental and emotional state.  Hence, the feelings of anxiety in the pit of our stomachs when we are overwhelmed.  Or, that gut feeling we have when we know something is just not right.  My stomach aches less, I feel less anxious – I can breathe now.  My brain is beginning to be led by God’s spirit.  When God’s spirit moves, I feel compelled to give birth to something or speak life into someone.

The one flaw I may never overcome is always feeling the need to defend myself.  My spirit gave me insight during my meditation today as to why.  My spirit was wrestling with sharing my revelation and the intention behind why am I feeling so compelled to share my story.  Is it to defend myself against those who have recently questioned whether or not I have been honest about my stated intentions?  Or, is it to be a testimony of how my personal connection with God is helping me understand myself and those around me better?  I still don’t know the answer.  All I know is that when God tells me to do something, I need to obey.

    “Just as we have two eyes and two  feet, duality is a part of life”
– Carlos Santana

My entire life people have questioned my intentions.  As a child I would make attempts to be funny, but it was perceived as nerve wrecking.  I would sing, attempting to enjoy a great song and I would be told to hush.  An intended song, was turned to silence.  I would yearn to give affection to others to make them smile by offering hugs, pats on the back or pecks on the cheeks.  My actions were viewed as was to intentionally draw attention upon myself.  I was labeled as fast.
As an adult, not much has changed, besides my view of the world.  At one point in my life, I let the mislabeling of the intentions behind my actions cause me to pause my emotions.  Lock them up and run from anyone who attempted to tap into them.  If my family didn’t understand the way my brain worked, how could a stranger? Or so I thought.
Now, I understand that the universe is a moving force of duality. Now I know that my brain, my actions, my words, my emotions are universal in their duality.  I may call someone a bitch baby in a post on Facebook and turn right around and post a bible scripture.  On Saturday, I post pictures of me holding champagne glasses and then Tuesday, I’m posted up in an airport, traveling across the country for business.  There’s a picture of me at work in the morning and enjoying dinner with my kids in the evening.  I may have intentions on just being someone’s friend or colleague, but speak so much life over their existence and make attempts to bring joy into their world, that they think I want more, or see them in a higher regard.
Some days, I really want to put those emotional walls back up.  To me, nothing has hurt me more in life than having genuine intentions to do the right thing and be a great person and someone rejects me due to misplacing the origins of my intentions.  Amazingly to me, I don’t ever want to block my spirit of emotions from light again.  The Law of Attraction is undeniable.  I give love, because I am love, I receive love and I deserve love.
Somebody reading this wants to love less in order to hurt less.  I urge you to not stop your flow of abundance by changing your God led intentions.  At the end of this lifetime, the only opinion that matters if that of God.  Our universe needs more people like you, like us.  Keep intentionally spreading love in this seemingly unloving world.
Hotep