Tag Archive: #pursuitofhappiness


A friend of mine did a 10-day praise challenge and mentioned that the experience was exhilarating for her. During this time of chaos in the world and my own internal conflicts, I thought a praise challenge of my own would be extremely beneficial. Many times, most of our mental energy is spent on reflecting on the why not, why me, when will the pain go away- that we neglect to take pride and honor in the blessings we already have.

Today, I give gratitude to God for his Mercy. According to Wikipedia, mercy “is a broad term that refers to benevolence, forgiveness and kindness in a variety of ethical, religious, social and legal contexts.” God has provided a shield for me in all contexts above. I’ll admit that my personal relationship with God fluctuates based upon my level of happiness. When I am the most content in my life, I tend to stray from learning and meditating on God’s word. My dedication to serving others diminishes and my prayers are said in faint tones, if at all. It’s not because I’m arrogant enough to believe God didn’t help me accomplish the elation I feel within. I just become so wrapped up in the moments and/or relationships, that I have a two track mind. Me and mine.

Conversely, in times of despair and confusion, I call on God to save me multiple times in a matter of minutes. My spirituality has taught me that my relationship with God will never waiver. It’s amazing how watching/listening to Joyce Meyer before I rise out of bed to start my day, tuning into the gospel radio station during my daily commute or giving God thanks for the great and even foolish people I encounter, gives my day and every moment within it a greater purpose.

Today I give thanks and praise to God for loving me unconditionally although my love for him has been conditional at times. I’m grateful for the discernment God has provided me with that I need to improve my on and off again spiritual connection in order to keep joy within my heart. I realized today that I have always been forgiven and welcomed to talk to God no matter how high my sins stacked. Therefore, I need to extend a more forgiving and non judgmental heart to others. I’m forever indebted due to having the most loving figure known to man to talk to on the loneliest of nights. My debts will be repaid by loving and appreciating myself and my family more, proactively serving the community and extending agape love to every soul that crosses paths with mine. I will be as merciful to others as God is to me.

A(she) and A(men)

Luke 6:36

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

I posed a question to a group of girlfriends regarding communication issues within relationships.  Reason being, I came to a point in my own relationship, that I wanted to lead by example.  However,  I’m admittedly an untrained teacher.  My friend suggested that I read the book Love Dare written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick as a guide.  She mentioned her marriage was positively impacted by applying the principles learned in the book.

I must say that Love Dare, based off the movie Fireproof,  will be added to my list of literature that altered my process of thinking and actions.  The biggest take away for me after watching the film, is that submitting to unconditional love is a choice.  Without a doubt it’s one of the biggest and most rewarding decisions a human can ever make.  Conjointly, I accepted a new ideology on love –  love in its purest form is loving with every fiber you’re made of, expecting nothing in return from your loved ones.

The poem below was inspired by the film Fireproof.

“Loving is living simply because love creates life
and if the world we live in is full of boundless possibilities
why is it that love has so many barriers,
self-imposed restrictions
a most wanted list of superficial needs
a defined definite number of forgiveness passes

And we wonder why love don’t last
instead of offering up our last
we stop at half
fractionating the relationships in US communities
by using generational ass backwards math

A full circle never equated to 100%
and if you’re only willing to go half the distance
on a cut off, society drawn up road map
that statistically has taken marriages down the wrong path 41% of the time
then you won’t be able to comprehend
sticking it out when love starts to burn
and offer selfless self-sacrifice in order to douse the flames
you may or may not have cooked up
see fault is irrelevant when your home is crumbling to an unidentified house
sometimes you have to lose yourself to save your father’s inheritance

So let your heart boil to pure gush at the point of 212◦
the atmospheric changes will elevate your thoughts and actions
your ability to love beyond conditions
your patience to solve a problem when the solution isn’t easily divisible by two
x plus you has to equate to 360, symbolized by a wedding ring

Achievers always keeps the end goal in mind
so don’t proclaim to be marriage material
or a good husband or wife
when you’re only willing to work at it part-time
inhibited from giving more than your perceived all
due to an ailment that has made generations of men fall
pride.

Love and pride don’t mix like two people and one wish
you find yourself in serious…
a seriously lonely place
and although we all came in this world alone
no one wants to die that way
so love everyday with the end in mind
it’s the greatest gift ever to be bestowed on you in your lifetime
but you have to work hard to keep it indestructible
damn near fireproof…”   

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

Yesterday, we argued
Today, I sit
eyes swollen from lack of sleep
tears flooded out my sweet dreams
creating a marsh of hurt and disappointment
and now the vision of our future is blurred

Love definetly makes you blind,
my heart has blacked out
dark hope adds more weight to it
making my medium body frame too heavy
I can’t find the strength to lift these bed sheets off my body,
I’ve flat lined emotionally,
mentally attempting to repent the verbal sins committed…
ego destruction,
refusal to turn the other cheek,
denial of loving our lover,
in a way that we want to be loved
–just for that brief moment

But at this moment,
my soul is in a temporary hell
I’m so hot…
heated…
burned up on the inside
wiping away tears steaming down my face at the same velocity of sweat
but ironically, we don’t seem to be working out

I’m paralyzed by fear and awe-struck at the same time
watching this man made fire ignite to the level
of causing injury in our relationship-
a work of art that people once gaped at
our beauty fades as fatal wounds on our pride appear
and we may not be able to survive from this

Suicide breeds guilt
the signs that were there,
we’ve both witnessed before
emotions overruled wisdom
and we both chose the wrong ammo to fight with

Communication is the most powerful and underused tool we have
its versitile purpose
shoots out comfort in being heard
and solutions to douse out problematic  fires
Where did we place our finger, when emotions were triggered?
Other than each other’s face?

It’s hard to rebuild a burnt bridge
damn near impossible,
when I can’t even find the strength to get out of bed

Love’s Death Bed

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

The destination of this new found path we’re on
has our hands intertwined,
faces smiling,
my steps are slightly behind yours,
hearts blinded…
to whispered wished stop signs
by those who’s thoroughfare to self love is still under construction

This journey was a turn in the right direction that I almost missed
my mental road map was full of inked life lines
that had me in continual circles of disappointment
all in an attempt to find myself

I didn’t know where I was going,
I was fearful of the increased speed required by higher ways
that would land me at the starting point of my purpose
new territories made me feel timid
and although all signs read only the strong survive
I kept missing the message
due to my lack of third eye foresight

I wanted to live, life
instead of letting life dictate how I live
driving me crazy
self imposed
complacent cruise control
had me going nowhere

Until I gave you the wheel
and stopped fighting your attempts
to reach for my hand every time I pulled away
you found lost ways to make my frowns scatter
never failing to place me on your shoulders
when I couldn’t take another step
I let you chip away at the hardness of my life
to soften my heart

As a passenger with a window seat
I began seeing the color of flowers
clouds now had the shape of animals and letters to me
the grass appeared greener
I watched the height of birds
and envisioned how high I can soar with you

I can now embrace you
free of feeling awkward
and proclaim in a loud whisper
I’ll go where you want to me to go
my steps will follow the direction of your footprints
down the path to life’s joy

My walk with God…

(not sure how I’m ending it yet)

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

 

IF YOU ENJOY MY WORK, PLEASE CONSIDER PURCHASING MY FIRST SELF PUBLISHED CHAPBOOK – A GEMINI’S SYLLOGISM FOR $10.  https://tenishajones.com/2012/01/19/373/

OR CONTACT ME AT tenishamjones@yahoo.com TO FIND OUT HOW TO ORDER A COPY OR USE THIS EMAIL AND SEND THE $10 TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT.

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m scratching my head
wondering where did time go?
It seems like you were crawling
not so long ago
now the sway in your walk
mirrors your God Father’s
and your mouth runs all the time
it’s like incurable diarrhea  of the mind
leaving many adults to agree
your spirit is gracing this earth for another lifetime

You’ve returned as this millennium’s prophet
as your mother I feel holy
glowing from my imaginary halo
after being crowned as the 21st century Mary
handpicked to birth and raise greatness

I feel constant pressure from my destined obligation
which makes me more grateful for your witty sense of humor,
the continuous sound of laughter in our home
makes a rough day at work and the intenseness of life all better

As your height is closer to matching mine
I become more appreciative for the memories we create together
the songs you write and sing to me,
the nights where you want to cuddle closely,
even when I have to fuss at you for acting like a baby
I remind you,
“You’re a big boy”
but deep in my heart,
I don’t want you to get any bigger

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m contemplating adding one less candle to your cake
while I close my eyes and make a wish the same time as you
I’ll ask for a touch even better than Midas’
my magic contact will press pause on your maturity
and you physically outgrowing me
I’ll make a plea for you to stay seven for one more year
when you’re just tipping the scales of being too big to fit on my lap
and during long car rides I can peep you napping in the back
drooling…
a lot…
when you still enjoying holding my hand as we walk across the street
because you still think mommy’s protection is still kinda neat
and you know the end results of disobeying mommy is kinda scary
so you remind me,
“Mommy-you told me to be a big boy”
deep in my heart,
I know prior to this moment
I should have been more careful for what I wished for

 Copyright 2012
Tenisha M Jones

The concept of mourning an undeveloped
never seen before face
used to be pretended empathy on my part until March 14th

This was the first day that I experienced despair personally
as I looked at a monitor showcasing my life carrying abilities
I felt like a failure – my future flat lined
a developing baby’s body
excluding a heartbeat
is what I carried inside me

My body is truly a temple
now a walking grave for a dead soul
the doctor’s words forever engraved on the headstone-a brick laid in my heart
“I’m so sorry”
with the birth date scribed as undetermined

The doctor can’t resuscitate,
and I’m wondering why Ava didn’t make it
or why Alexander didn’t get to see me
pondering the idea that my man prayed for this outcome secretly
questioning was my womb unhealthy

Maybe an explainable answer would make my grief bearable
where the changing of my future twice in three months becomes more understandable
for once I wonder if my faith can be built on what’s tangible
like the sweet scent of a newborn
nestled tightly in my arms
as I lay on my man’s chest…

But my faith is still being developed by hoping for the unseen
while crying on my man’s chest about us now being baby-less
my lover repeats over and over in my ear
baby it’ll be okay
baby just pray
but he doesn’t say baby we’ll try again someday

All I can do is chuckle
taking on Kevin Hart’s philosophy of life
laughing at my pain
to remind myself everything happens in divine timing

My God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle
so I keep envisioning he saved me from the challenge
of raising a child who was mentally or physically damaged
or he mapped my future as my man and I being temporary
and Lord knows I don’t want to be a single mom of two permanently
this may have been a forced repentance of my sins,
a harsh consequence of having a baby out of marriage yet again

The state of my faith is fluctuating
much like my emotions from my leftover pregnancy hormones
my relationship with God is similar to relationships I have in the natural
I love him,
but I don’t really like him right now
he cheated on me,
took away my baby
and I’m still waiting for him to send me a sign of apology
confessing he didn’t mean to hurt me

Unlike the fate of my baby,
I can actually feel the strength of my faith dying
even through my anger,
 I’m pleading to God
to help me keep my gratitude towards him
for my son’s and I beating heart

I don’t want to miscarry God before I can see his face
so my lingering faith will praise him always
for the greatness I have yet to birth
although my growing baby is no more,
I’m still equipped to P.U.S.H.
I have other dreams God can make a reality
Rest In Peace my lost child to be

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones

However your emotions sway, you will absolutely love the self published poetry book, A Gemini’s Syllogism

For Immediate Release

Tenisha M Jones
Pineville, NC
(704) 359-7044

THE SIDEWAYS LOGIC OF A GEMINI IS NOW REVEALED

Are you a fan of poetry? If so, you’ll absolutely fall in love with Tenisha Jones’ debut book, A Gemini’s Syllogism. Tenisha is a spoken word artist out of Charlotte, NC who possesses unique view points on love, social affairs and the nation’s morality.  A Gemini’s Syllogism is a collection of poems touching five subjects from two different perspectives. Each stanza provides thought provoking challenges for us all to view our neighbors with more of an open mind while taking a more realistic view of the reflection staring at us all in the mirror.

As a single parent, 30 something career woman, Tenisha Jones’ views are definetly not mainstream and her talents allow her to create unique imagery that serves as an easy yet delightful read.  Copies of A Gemini’s Syllogism are available for shipping for $10 and $1 for shipping.  The book can also be ordered for Kindle devices for $3.99.

To have a copy shipped please use the link below:

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Greetings family, friends and fans.  2011 is coming to an end, yet this year has marked many new beginnings for me.  This year I developed a relationship and appreciation for myself which resulted in a love affair with my soul and an excitement for my life’s journey.  The epiphanies of 2011 helped me acquire gratitude  for life and the experiences it brings me.  Increased thankfulness towards God’s purpose for me has raised my faith to previously unknown heights and some areas of fear has subsided.  As a result, I was able to accomplish things I never imagined and set even higher bars of success for 2012.

In March of 2011, I released my first mix tape Spoken Word CD, Love Perceptions.  As a part of the creative process, I fulfilled a fantasy of having a nude photo shoot for the cover.  My decision came under the scrutiny of mixed reviews.   I survived emotional turmoil as my thoughts echoed over top twenty R&B tracks caused a rift in my family and conversely brought me so many fans and friends.  I stayed true to my core being for the entire project and invested in myself, ignoring the financial risks and potential embarrassment. I nearly quadrupled my investment and sold over 200 cd’s locally.  I’ve gained more knowledge on how to make my following projects a bigger success.  I was hoping to have my second CD released before the end of the year, but I’m being forced to learn patience.  In 2012, producers will create the hottest tracks and I will upgrade my writing skills.  The combination will gain worldwide recognition.

I watched my son complete several milestones in 2011.  He finished his first year of school top of his class with accolades from every teacher he came in contact.with.  Tyler Jones is becoming a synonym for creative as he displays a high level of intellect infused with the craziest sense of humor.  He became one of the youngest students of Eagle Tae Kwon Do Academy to receive his Black Belt.  I see an unlimited future for this young man and made a point to invest in his creative development.  He completed a 12 week training course with Charlotte’s Children Theater and began taking guitar lessons.  Although my income has been limited this year, God saw fit to make all of this possible for him.  That’s an affirmation that his artistic development at a young age is predestined.

I opened my heart and became able to receive love.  I’ve dated great men this year, with the exception of one (there’s always that one).  This year is ending with me in an exclusive relationship with exciting potential.  Love comes in all forms and I’ve gained some great friends this year as well.  Now I truly believe you are what you attract-and I like what I’ve been attracting.   However, I am still a work in progress.  By continuing to develop God’s image within me, I will attract who God has for me.  God won’t bless mess and I did a lot of internal cleaning in 2011.  The cleaning and emotional development will continue, as well as increased communication and listening skills.  I will act as if I am and prepare myself for being a wife.  I will also surround myself with friends who inspire me and can contribute knowledge or new experiences in my life.

I self published my first chapbook, A Gemini’s Syllogism, two weeks ago.  Being an author has always been a dream of mine and I’m quite proud of this accomplishment.  This year I will release additional themed chapbooks to offer audiences a variety of my work.  Additionally, I’d like to build my freelancing career to help supplement my income in 2012.  In order for these doors to open, I have to continue developing my writing skills and be willing to step outside of the box. 

2011 will be marked in my history as the year that joy entered my life.  2012 my levels of joy will be increased boiling over to my family, friends and co-workers.  The health of me and my son will be at the top of my priority list.  2012 is all about being a happier, healthier, sexier, more faithful and super confident me.  I’m appreciative for everyone who has helped me get to this point and will continue this ride with me.  I look forward to meeting those who will impact my life positively. 

212 in 2012.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJQqzJj534

Dear Potential:

It’s been a year or so since you and I tapped into one another
we had the possibility of taking over the world
but the reality is I’m sandwiched between these four walls
wondering why you’re not here
trying to remember how & why we separated
and when will you return?

I’m not comfortable, secure, ambitious or confident when you’re not around
and I can’t apologize enough for my delayed revelation
of the power of you in my life
In the past my mental weakness convinced me
that you were too good to be true
the loud cheers of wealth and love
the visual confirmation that my name will be greatness
you gave me day after day, night after night
slowly diminished to once in a blue moon whispers
then to deadly silence
provoked by my lack of forward moving steps
to pave the way and attain what you told me to

I became a dormant corpse with a soul unable to be revived
now-I want to live, because without you, I’m missing life too
I’ve been on my knees praying daily
to be reunited with the two of you
and God told me it’s time to truly repent
for the errors of my ways
and allowing the poison of qualm to numb my brain
and forcefully push you out
potential and doubt can’t dwell in the same house
and my heart is a home that should only be
decorated by you into a welcoming space
where success, love and purposed power like to hang out

So let’s try this again
will you become my best friend
if the division of effort is no longer 90 to 10
if I promise to pull my weight
instead of holding you down with disbelief
so we can both rise and grow into existence
I’m ready now to see the depth of possibilities
you have in store for me
teach me your reality
let’s devise a plan to start taking over the world again
where in the future my last name will be greatness-alongside yours.

I’ll see you tonight in my dreams,

 Tenisha M. Jones-PotentialGreatness

“The construction of words
used to form a poem
follows the melody of lead
harmonizing with tattered paper
that calms the pulsating pain
of a wounded soul
wrapped so tightly in hope
that the feeling of failure
can’t circulate in the hearts
of those that read the constructed stanzas”
©2011 Tenisha M Jones

Many of us believe and preach that the tongue is one of man’s most powerful weapons. As a poet, I write out my dreams because I believe I can truly bring words to life.  Currently, I try not to  mention the past in my pieces unless I’m speaking of a solution.  The past is behind me and verbal repetition of my mistakes causes wounds to remain open.  I’m on a path of healing myself from the nasty combination of diseases self loathing, procrastination and naysaying thoughts. 

Maybe odd to some,  but I strongly believe continual ungrateful, envious, and/or doubtful thought patterns-become engrained and registered in your brain’s chemical make up.  This is what causes true innovative imagination to be displayed as nightmarish scenes that kills belief in one’s self.  The recapping of demonic images spews pessimistic energy attracting bullshit circumstances and like-minded people who have a passion for hating life.  But at one point,  the burden of hatred – “I hate we didn’t work out, I hate I didn’t get that job, I hate her ass looks better than mine, I hate this city” – fills souls and leaves little room for joy.  We would all love to enjoy living more, but we have to re-train our brains.  Once this process begins. positive thoughts yield positive words and actions.

Members of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have a lot in common, we want to live a life clean and sober of  harmful patterns.  It’s a daily struggle.  The recovery is ongoing for me because after 30 years of conditioning, I’m addicted to dissatisfaction.  The feeling of never having enough of what I want doesn’t escape me for long.  And I know better.

Mental rehabilitation is Step 0 in any recovery program.  The transformation to a positive person from a negative person can’t be done overnight.  But it can be accomplished.  While doing research online, I came across these steps of personal accountability to help implement mental rehabilitation:

*We admit we were powerless over addictions—that our lives had become unmanageable.
*Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
*Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 
*Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
*Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
*Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
*Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
*Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
*Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
*Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
*Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 
*Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Does the above mentioned 12 steps sound familiar?  These outlined action items were proposed in 1939 by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous to assist in the “recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems“.  Denying oneself the ability to enjoy every moment of life is a compulsive behavioral problem that unfortunately too many of us suffer from. 

Due to the fact that detrimental thinking is the norm in this world, CDC has yet to label this condition as an ear born disease.  Yet it’s destroying our bodies by causing stress, crumbling the foundation of relationships due to lack of self-worth and diminishing hope that dreams are obtainable. 

I’m tired of suffering from it and I am on my way to recovering the optimistic pieces of me.  I need the help of my readers.  Those that are having a hard time remaining blissful and excited about the realities and lessons of life, make your views anonymous.  The tongue is one of the universe’s most powerful weapons and I’ve chosen to use mine’s to save lives.  Can I be your sponsor?