Tag Archive: #parenting advice


This weekend I invested a lot of time focusing on spiritual cleansing.  I felt as if I needed to get grounded among the abundance of the universe.  The benefits of taking time out of your day to appreciate the greatness already within your world are amazing.  Appreciation for the small things becomes more prevalent and sincere.  When your heart is filled with gratitude versus remorse or regret, it allows your true purpose to come forth.  Today, I give gratitude for God given talents.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

God’s light within you shines differently than your neighbors.  We all have unique talents to build an empire off of.  From my observation, those that are living out their purpose shine the brightest.  One of the famous sayings regarding following your dreams states “if you’re doing what you love, it doesn’t feel like work”.  If you read about the history of self made millionaires, they followed their passions first, and the money followed.  As a result, some were able to become the biggest philanthropist.  Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alicia Keys etc…  In the words of Steve Harvey “you can’t help anybody broke”.  Ain’t that the truth?

Last October, I decided to leave the sales field and I have been in a state of panic and uncertainty every since.  The occupation was stifling me spiritually as I felt I was not using my working hours serving the universe or fulfilling my purpose of being a healer.  My deeds were only getting a corporation and its executives wealthier and I got caught in a cycle of redundancy and monetary competition.  My experiences since, has made me more humble and trusting of God that he’ll keep me while I find my way on the path he wants me to follow.  I am so grateful for this journey.  Many don’t get the opportunity to step away from the hustle of Corporate America to truly find themselves.  Most that do, don’t take advantage of the time given.

I asked God to give me insight into what my purpose was nearly eight years ago.  Once revealed, I remained disobedient for years afterwards.  Now that I’ve allowed God to remove garments of fear from my soul, I am not only grateful but proud of the talents he blessed me with.  I am a writer, a counselor and motivator to many and most importantly, the sole caregiver of a young man that is destined to heal the world in his own way.  I am so thankful and honored.  Therefore, I vow to never let my light go dull, to consistently work on perfecting my parenting and writing skills, and to combine diligent work and non-wavering faith.  My eyes have finally seen God’s glory and my feet shall forever follow.

 

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m scratching my head
wondering where did time go?
It seems like you were crawling
not so long ago
now the sway in your walk
mirrors your God Father’s
and your mouth runs all the time
it’s like incurable diarrhea  of the mind
leaving many adults to agree
your spirit is gracing this earth for another lifetime

You’ve returned as this millennium’s prophet
as your mother I feel holy
glowing from my imaginary halo
after being crowned as the 21st century Mary
handpicked to birth and raise greatness

I feel constant pressure from my destined obligation
which makes me more grateful for your witty sense of humor,
the continuous sound of laughter in our home
makes a rough day at work and the intenseness of life all better

As your height is closer to matching mine
I become more appreciative for the memories we create together
the songs you write and sing to me,
the nights where you want to cuddle closely,
even when I have to fuss at you for acting like a baby
I remind you,
“You’re a big boy”
but deep in my heart,
I don’t want you to get any bigger

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m contemplating adding one less candle to your cake
while I close my eyes and make a wish the same time as you
I’ll ask for a touch even better than Midas’
my magic contact will press pause on your maturity
and you physically outgrowing me
I’ll make a plea for you to stay seven for one more year
when you’re just tipping the scales of being too big to fit on my lap
and during long car rides I can peep you napping in the back
drooling…
a lot…
when you still enjoying holding my hand as we walk across the street
because you still think mommy’s protection is still kinda neat
and you know the end results of disobeying mommy is kinda scary
so you remind me,
“Mommy-you told me to be a big boy”
deep in my heart,
I know prior to this moment
I should have been more careful for what I wished for

 Copyright 2012
Tenisha M Jones

The concept of mourning an undeveloped
never seen before face
used to be pretended empathy on my part until March 14th

This was the first day that I experienced despair personally
as I looked at a monitor showcasing my life carrying abilities
I felt like a failure – my future flat lined
a developing baby’s body
excluding a heartbeat
is what I carried inside me

My body is truly a temple
now a walking grave for a dead soul
the doctor’s words forever engraved on the headstone-a brick laid in my heart
“I’m so sorry”
with the birth date scribed as undetermined

The doctor can’t resuscitate,
and I’m wondering why Ava didn’t make it
or why Alexander didn’t get to see me
pondering the idea that my man prayed for this outcome secretly
questioning was my womb unhealthy

Maybe an explainable answer would make my grief bearable
where the changing of my future twice in three months becomes more understandable
for once I wonder if my faith can be built on what’s tangible
like the sweet scent of a newborn
nestled tightly in my arms
as I lay on my man’s chest…

But my faith is still being developed by hoping for the unseen
while crying on my man’s chest about us now being baby-less
my lover repeats over and over in my ear
baby it’ll be okay
baby just pray
but he doesn’t say baby we’ll try again someday

All I can do is chuckle
taking on Kevin Hart’s philosophy of life
laughing at my pain
to remind myself everything happens in divine timing

My God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle
so I keep envisioning he saved me from the challenge
of raising a child who was mentally or physically damaged
or he mapped my future as my man and I being temporary
and Lord knows I don’t want to be a single mom of two permanently
this may have been a forced repentance of my sins,
a harsh consequence of having a baby out of marriage yet again

The state of my faith is fluctuating
much like my emotions from my leftover pregnancy hormones
my relationship with God is similar to relationships I have in the natural
I love him,
but I don’t really like him right now
he cheated on me,
took away my baby
and I’m still waiting for him to send me a sign of apology
confessing he didn’t mean to hurt me

Unlike the fate of my baby,
I can actually feel the strength of my faith dying
even through my anger,
 I’m pleading to God
to help me keep my gratitude towards him
for my son’s and I beating heart

I don’t want to miscarry God before I can see his face
so my lingering faith will praise him always
for the greatness I have yet to birth
although my growing baby is no more,
I’m still equipped to P.U.S.H.
I have other dreams God can make a reality
Rest In Peace my lost child to be

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones

The old folks and pro lifers say babies are not mistakes
they declare that the creation of a new soul is a gift from God
and while my moral being believes that to be true
the logical perception of my brain says something is all fucked up in this messaging

What words will I use to communicate to my baby
that he was conceived from an act of sin
to provide a lesson of realization
yet avoiding the visualization of the shaking of God’s head
at the time of his conception
I don’t want to cause him to walk with his head hanged low
because the timing of his entrance was a missed projection
since mommy was still carrying her maiden name

I’m a grown ass woman and I still can’t let go of a similar mental picture
I did a lot of praying in order to make my neck stronger
since my head was carrying such dreadful thoughts
just knowing my brother and I’s existence
is only because of my mom’s denials to make man made wishes come true

The women in my family were taught two important things regarding our vaginas
one-not to douche too often
two-never cleanse your womb of seeds
both are known to dry your pussy up
the latter is an undesirable stake
of the lustful mistakes
made by adults who like fucking each other
more than they like talking to one another
two people who labeled naked slow grinding as making love
so it’ll sound more acceptable
versus taking it slow and first falling in love
before creating a being stated to symbolize God’s love

I swear I’m confused,
I adore my son, niece and nephew
and I damn sure love being me
and having a big brother who will do anything to make me happy
but society’s label of the last two generations within my family being a mistaken curse
makes me pissed yet forces me to really think
we have to teach our children differently

My mom is my hero for believing she was a bearer of blessings
and I strive to make my father swallow his words
I’m an irreplaceable piece of life
a prize for his sobriety
but if the flip was switched on a manmade human substance vacuum
he would be missing mine and my baby’s existence
and our homemade Christmas and birthday cards
his walls would resemble his life without me-bare

A part of me will forever be mad at my dad
for his momentary consideration to kill me
but me knowing my soul’s existence was damn near past tense
forces me to take a stand on an issue that the man in my life accepts and respects
but my heart tells me he’ll never understand
since all his children and siblings were preplanned

An abortion would have made the story of my life an imagined dream
a fantasy that my lover would never have had the pleasure of experiencing
my son’s smile would be voided from the world
at no time would my greatness be known
I can’t fathom being a lost, erased, vacuumed and disposed of entity

All adults know the consequences of making mistakes
and most have heard the definition of accountability
whether they chose to apply it – is an individual decision
as is abortion

But me living an unwanted actually
gives me the conviction that humans should never play God
and decide to scrape his blessings away
I pled with people as well as myself to wrap it up
instead of wiping the world of an ordained soul’s permanence
The old folks and pro lifers say babies are never mistakes
and I happen to agree

© 2012 Tenisha M Jones

Aspiring Fire Starter

I’m a fire putter outer
who wants to be an arsonist when I grow up
I battle which title suites me best everyday

I’m a fire fighter corporately
receiving a pay check for
saving the CEO and VP’s from moving into middle class homes
by ignoring the elimination of moral attributes that’ll make their stock options burn
like truth

I withstand third degree damage to the passions etched in my soul
by making sure the company’s money don’t go up in smoke
 continuously extinguishing the dissatisfaction for my career with fear
that if my company implodes my cash flow will become smithereens
causing the security of my household to go up in flames
or the illusion of security

For its foundation was built from inherited intentions to possess joy
a faulty replicated blue print to the American Dream
that was sketched out all wrong
 impersonal to me
and I’m strategically trying to tear it down
by swapping out my unsupported vision for myself
with my family’s nutty ass generational tradition
to always work for someone else

That mentally is rusted

But for nearly 30 years it was engrained in me
I’m still suffering the consequences of swallowing poisonous verbal elixirs
that dictated beliefs that there are long term benefits
to debt for a college degree
a piece of paper that labels me as intellectually trainable
to successfully complete the university’s guideline
on the Corporate America way of thinking

The poison still flows through my veins
making my aspirations for myself seem like manic breakdowns
I’m counseled by parental pep talks given in masked upbeat tones
attempting to give a lecture the power of a speech
by placing conviction on the wrong side of the scale of what ifs

I’m a lecture learner 
who followed the instructions of my primary teachers the creator assigned to me
giving self diagnoses to thoughts of me being great as psychotic episodes
Repetitious word play trained me to take misguided steps
on a path cleared for me
before I even took my first breath

My profession is suffocating me
and on some catch 22 shit,
it’s my life line
it supports me
chokingly
I’m barely able to inhale positive possibility

Firefighters know how to breathe with limited air
so I mechanically go through the required daily motions
to make sure my family survives
and financially fuel the glow in my son’s eyes
for he wants to have a greater impact than a star
so he makes 3 wishes while gazing at the moon
and I refuse to correct him
he deserves more than to humbly belief in himself

I want to raise his internal fire so that traces of self doubt will be incinerated
into disposable ashes that can easily be brushed off his shoulders
But in order to breathe life into him,
keep the fire blazing within him
I need my air back

The size of my paycheck  doesn’t negate the fact that oxygen is free
but 40 hours of smothered creativity leaves me with less accelerant
and takes me away from my use of tools to ignite personalized dreams
A pen and a pad accompanied by lungs full of air
exhaling reassurance that being who we truly desire to be is obtainable

I want to be an arsonist that assists in the rekindling of uncaptured dreams
but first I have to promote myself to a higher level of spiritually and self belief
When I grow to that level, I’ll turn in my current worn out badge for one that reads
Fire starter

I’m the propellant behind the dangerous duo consisting of my son and I
Take cover-
we about to blow shit up!

©2011 Tenisha M Jones

Last school year marked my son’s introduction to the academia world as he started kindergarten.  As most parents on their child’s first day of school, I had a variety of emotions.  Elation because my child care expenses decreased almost $4000 annually.  Pride because by the grace of God I survived 6 years as a single parent and my child has never went without and he was well prepared for school academically.  Conversely, I felt concern because who was going to protect him when his feelings got hurt for the first time by a class mate?  I felt fearful that he would forget what bus to ride home on or get off at the wrong bus stop.  I was a Bi-Polar mom for weeks before his first “big” day. 

However, my son conceptualized his crossing over into the big boy world as a day that he earned.  With two and half years of Tai Kwon Do Training and being the only student in his Pre-K class that could read a full book, he had the confidence of a second grader and the reasoning of a future millionaire.  “Why should I be scared to walk through doors that were meant for me to walk through” is what his body language said to me as he strutted to begin a new chapter in his life.

At that moment, I made the decision to turn the pages of complacency and fear and begin a new chapter of my own.  I always want my son and I to be on similar pages.  Not because I’d like to digress to a child like status nor because I want him to mature well before his time.  It’s because I want to be able to show him through action and communication that the lessons of life will never cease.  Both he and I will always be forced to learn more in order to graduate to the next level. I want him to see that I’m capable of understanding the mess ups, uncertainty, struggles in remaining humble, not giving 100% – 100% of the time as well as celebrate small and giant victories.  That very same night, I walked into Charlotte’s legendary poetry venue, The Wine-Up, and began my career as a spoken word artist.  Months following, I added freelance writer to my resume.

I’ve never looked back and each month since I’ve made substantial progress in my future full-time career path. “Why should I be scared to walk through doors that were meant for me to walk through” is what my faith has taught me.  Unlike my son, my spirit is void of innocence and I hold on to the fear of failure. Fear leaves smaller soul scars than defeat.  The words fearless and faithful can be interchanged and still have the same grammatical meaning.  Think about it, the first week of my son’s school year, I was fearful of the unknown.  The confidence he displayed and his actions of doing the right things gave me the faith my baby was going to be all right even in the unknown. 

Last week, when First Grade began for my son, I started reflecting on our growth over the past year.  I’m astonished, yet not surprised.  We are both purposed filled vessels, floating until we arrive at our ordained locations-together.

Parents, are we asking our children to elevate themselves yet remaining stagnate ourselves?  Each day we prepare our children to be the best they can be by ensuring they have a good breakfast, they are well-groomed and fulfilling their teachers’ requirements.  But are we preparing ourselves to reach God’s requirements of us?  Are we taking time to study our history, to calculate what’s missing from the equation of our success, taking any physical ed classes to maintain our health or meditating to increase or brain and emotional power? 

Each school year starts with a list of goals that the student needs to accomplish to move on to the next level.  A written barometer is given quarterly to separate strengths and weaknesses to help the student gauge if they’re on the right track or if the initial bar was set too low.  Priorities of  where to place the most emphasis must be shifted all the time from math to science to reading.  The beauty of children is they don’t know what they don’t know, which gives them flexibility minus the attitude of fearful resistance. 

The beauty of adults is we don’t know what we don’t know – but what makes life ugly to most of us is we think we know.  Resisting our destiny.  If you’ve never tried to make substantial changes in your life, you don’t what you’re capable of and you’ve probably never experienced true success.  I challenge you to do your own homework tonight while sitting next to your child(ren) as they do theirs.  List out what you want to acquire and/or accomplish for yourself this school year.  Make a list of 100 things even including items and experiences you feel you are inexperienced for or don’t deserve.  Each night afterwards, evaluate why you currently don’t have the items or life that you desire and what first steps you need to take to start walking your destined path.  Faith without action is fear.  Encouraging faithfulness in our children with fear in our eyes and lives, makes us hypocrites and liars.

It takes 9 months (10 technically but roll with me here) to birth a child, a unique creation from our universal father.  Let’s birth a dream in 9 months and make an effort every day to nurture it’s growth.  I started my own list last week and I would love to hear if my readers are accepting this challenge and some of the items on their list.  Why should we be scared to walk through doors that were meant for us to walk through?

“It takes wisdom to solve a problem
and precise calculations are impossible with a lot of unknowns
many of life’s obstacles can’t be guessed through
instead of continual fuck up tumblings
that has scarred your knees, hands, face and faith
retreat
become familiar with the surroundings you now stand in
and calculate who you are in the present”
©2011 Tenisha M Jones