Tag Archive: #guidleines for success


“Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us,” is the nature of forgiveness.  I thank God that he placed the ability to forgive others in my heart.  I have been wronged in so many ways by teachers, co-workers, family, so-called friends and ex lovers.  I’ve even had to extend forgiveness to the man who currently holds my heart.  However, I’m not a bitter person, an angry black woman and a people hater.  I still amplify agape love.   I have really developed the talent to understand people for where they are in their own walk with God and I accept the fact that “hurt people, hurt people”.

I am a true believer in Karma.  When I became attuned as a Reiki Healer, I cleared my Karmic Debt and have become very mindful of how I treat people and what energy I put out in the world.  I am far from perfect and have added more things to my Karmic slate since then, but God knows I’m nowhere close to where I once was.  I say all that to say, treating people badly that has treated me badly does nothing for my soul.  Call me a punk, a pushover, gullible if you dare.  I just chose not to “hurt” a “hurt” person because they “hurt” me.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive myself.  I often question agape love versus the familiarity of misery.  I am working on this daily because the people I attract are actually a mirror of myself.  I’m confident that once I learn to treat myself better and truly take on a spirit of humility, that I’ll have less instances of being hurt by others.

Galatians 5:22-23  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

This weekend I invested a lot of time focusing on spiritual cleansing.  I felt as if I needed to get grounded among the abundance of the universe.  The benefits of taking time out of your day to appreciate the greatness already within your world are amazing.  Appreciation for the small things becomes more prevalent and sincere.  When your heart is filled with gratitude versus remorse or regret, it allows your true purpose to come forth.  Today, I give gratitude for God given talents.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

God’s light within you shines differently than your neighbors.  We all have unique talents to build an empire off of.  From my observation, those that are living out their purpose shine the brightest.  One of the famous sayings regarding following your dreams states “if you’re doing what you love, it doesn’t feel like work”.  If you read about the history of self made millionaires, they followed their passions first, and the money followed.  As a result, some were able to become the biggest philanthropist.  Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alicia Keys etc…  In the words of Steve Harvey “you can’t help anybody broke”.  Ain’t that the truth?

Last October, I decided to leave the sales field and I have been in a state of panic and uncertainty every since.  The occupation was stifling me spiritually as I felt I was not using my working hours serving the universe or fulfilling my purpose of being a healer.  My deeds were only getting a corporation and its executives wealthier and I got caught in a cycle of redundancy and monetary competition.  My experiences since, has made me more humble and trusting of God that he’ll keep me while I find my way on the path he wants me to follow.  I am so grateful for this journey.  Many don’t get the opportunity to step away from the hustle of Corporate America to truly find themselves.  Most that do, don’t take advantage of the time given.

I asked God to give me insight into what my purpose was nearly eight years ago.  Once revealed, I remained disobedient for years afterwards.  Now that I’ve allowed God to remove garments of fear from my soul, I am not only grateful but proud of the talents he blessed me with.  I am a writer, a counselor and motivator to many and most importantly, the sole caregiver of a young man that is destined to heal the world in his own way.  I am so thankful and honored.  Therefore, I vow to never let my light go dull, to consistently work on perfecting my parenting and writing skills, and to combine diligent work and non-wavering faith.  My eyes have finally seen God’s glory and my feet shall forever follow.

 

A friend of mine did a 10-day praise challenge and mentioned that the experience was exhilarating for her. During this time of chaos in the world and my own internal conflicts, I thought a praise challenge of my own would be extremely beneficial. Many times, most of our mental energy is spent on reflecting on the why not, why me, when will the pain go away- that we neglect to take pride and honor in the blessings we already have.

Today, I give gratitude to God for his Mercy. According to Wikipedia, mercy “is a broad term that refers to benevolence, forgiveness and kindness in a variety of ethical, religious, social and legal contexts.” God has provided a shield for me in all contexts above. I’ll admit that my personal relationship with God fluctuates based upon my level of happiness. When I am the most content in my life, I tend to stray from learning and meditating on God’s word. My dedication to serving others diminishes and my prayers are said in faint tones, if at all. It’s not because I’m arrogant enough to believe God didn’t help me accomplish the elation I feel within. I just become so wrapped up in the moments and/or relationships, that I have a two track mind. Me and mine.

Conversely, in times of despair and confusion, I call on God to save me multiple times in a matter of minutes. My spirituality has taught me that my relationship with God will never waiver. It’s amazing how watching/listening to Joyce Meyer before I rise out of bed to start my day, tuning into the gospel radio station during my daily commute or giving God thanks for the great and even foolish people I encounter, gives my day and every moment within it a greater purpose.

Today I give thanks and praise to God for loving me unconditionally although my love for him has been conditional at times. I’m grateful for the discernment God has provided me with that I need to improve my on and off again spiritual connection in order to keep joy within my heart. I realized today that I have always been forgiven and welcomed to talk to God no matter how high my sins stacked. Therefore, I need to extend a more forgiving and non judgmental heart to others. I’m forever indebted due to having the most loving figure known to man to talk to on the loneliest of nights. My debts will be repaid by loving and appreciating myself and my family more, proactively serving the community and extending agape love to every soul that crosses paths with mine. I will be as merciful to others as God is to me.

A(she) and A(men)

Luke 6:36

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

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     Most will say that the last few days of the year should be spent in reflection. Others even go as far as strategizing how the first week of the new year will be spent. Believing that how you bring in the year is how the rest of the year will go. Admittedly, I’ve tried all these tactics in my past. I took a vow of silence the last 48 hours of 2011, in the hopes of receiving divine direction. It was the most peaceful two days I encountered. However, the year that followed was the most treacherous.

     2012 has a been a year of self discovery for me. Partly from forced life lessons, others I searched for. What I’ve come to learn is that peaceful moments will always reveal themselves when a person is in search of it. However, it’s the maintenance of peacefulness that we seem to struggle with the most. The wrestling of our spirits is what keeps many of us up at night or knelt in prayer. Our spirits act as if it’s imprisoned within us.

     At this same time last year, during my fast from speaking, I allowed my spirit to rest. As a result, I received the answers from God that I was looking for. Prayer, fasting and reading spiritual literature allowed me to subdue logical thinking that was blocking any other voice besides my own. Although, I hear God’s voice more frequently now, my own inner voice is still the loudest and has the most impact.

God’s voice told me go,
my own voice told me to stay.
Stay comfortable.

God’s voice told you to go,
your own voice told you to stay.
Stay safe.

     We have become a nation of comfortably safe insomniacs. We’ve slept walked into a time when Mayan culture predicted wouldn’t exist. We’ve witnessed the mass murdering of babies in a fashion we never would’ve dreamed of. The desire to remain asleep should be no more.

     The media laughed and corporations capitalized off the Mayan philosophy of our world coming to an end. No attention was paid to the additional aspects of their theory that this age in time could not be predicted as the “dead is to be born again”. Today, more than ever life is what you make of it. How can we live life to its fullest half awake?

     As many of the world’s inhabitants were preparing for the world to end, others mocked the predicted concept. There are few who prepared for their calling to teach to be revealed. Faith is a learned and re-learned belief. It’s the enlightened ones who allowed the imprisonment of their spirit, God’s voice, to start a new beginning by experiencing freedom. A purposed filled life isn’t birthed until your voice repeats that of God’s and your feet begin to walk down your newly claimed cleared path. According to the book of James, “for the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

     As 2013 approaches, reflect on all your previous reflections you have yet to act upon. I guarantee nights will become more restful and smiles will become a more frequently seen fixture on your face once you accept your membership as apart of the Holy Trinity. Your spirit should not be competing with the views of the world or your ego. In 2013, stop thinking so much….and just DO. Just GO! Just BE PURPOSELY HAPPY!

I committed mail fraud
the day I confiscated my son’s note to Santa
a criminal act done out of heart felt intentions
to make a little boy’s eyes light up
as bright as the remaining working bulbs on our
anorexic, vertically challenged tree.

A crime of passion
with limited unhappy consequences
well so I thought…
especially since the ghosts of Christmas past
has known me to be the only parental helper
Santa has for him

My son’s seasonal wish list
with hand sketched hearts for postage
unintentionally excluding a destination of return if unread
innocence still gives him the confidence that all wishes can come true
when you believe with your whole heart,
so he made sure not to leave any white marks
in-between the red outlines.

As I unsealed the envelope shaped construction paper,
the cracks in our family structure became visible
avoidance is longer a strong enough adhesive
to seal emotional wounds

He wrote:

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is for my dad
to come and play with me
so I can tell him I forgive him and love him

Please and thank you.

On Christmas Eve,
instead of wrapping gifts
I knelt in prayer for a Christmas miracle
for Santa to deliver potential impossibilities down the chimney.

I hope the North Pole UPS workers delivered my letter.

I wrote:

Dear Santa:

Don’t let my son’s heart turn into coal

Please, I beg of you

Bah! Humbug!

For forty days and for forty nights…
I cried.
Tears rolling from my cheeks to silk bed linen,
the outline of wetness on my pillow case
resembles a shallow river.
Man made by me and my shallow emotions

Poor me.
Fuck you and
They ain’t shit
are the echoed sentiments
that bounce from my brain,
to my mouth.
From my mouth,
to my heart
until the grief decides to reside in my stomach.
No wonder I can’t achieve that 6 pack.

I’m full of it.
Full of confusion,
full of doubt
and the weight of my worries have me sinking.
Tears from everything opposite of joy,
is drowning my faith.
I’m caught knee-deep in other people’s crap
and I’m up to my neck in debt

Sink or Swim?
Where is my life guard?

Sink or Swim?
Who is my life guard?

The feeling of drowning above water
closes the hope chest containing my soul.
Now I’m having panic attacks
I need a breath of fresh air,
a little assistance to revive my reason
for believing in better.

Who can provide it
when mouths surrounding me are tainted like mine
swampy mixtures of complaints, self grief and pity
slobbing down their cheeks
hunger in their eyes,
ready to sink their teeth into my vulnerability.
I’m bleeding for more.

Sink or Swim?
I call out for a life guard

My wounds have made me weary
I just need a little bit of rest
I no longer can fight the waves of life
– sink or swim –
that come crashing down on me

Sinking –
I call out to God,
“wake up, shouting,
Lord save me!
I’m going to drown”
Sink or Swim?

“He got up and rebuked the wind
and the raging waters; the storm subsided,
and all was calm”  Luke 8:24

I hear God say:
Baby girl, just because you was sleeping on me,
doesn’t mean I was sleep
I’ve been waiting on you to wake up
and gain vision through discernment that
I’m the one that’s always had your back.

God told me:
I didn’t give you eyes in the back of your head
simply because you’re supposed to trust me
not the digits in your bank account
your girlfriend’s worldly wisdom
or the lies told by a man, you believe,
because he knows more of my scriptures than you do
I know what’s best for you!

Swim

I gave God my hand,
my worries,
my guilt,
my future
and he led me back to dry land
where my wounds would heal
and the ability to live self-inflicted pain-free
strengthens my faith
allowing me to walk the path to prosperity
God paved for me

“My ears shall hear a word behind me, saying
‘This is the way, walk in it’
whenever I turn to the right hand or whenever  turn to the left” Isaiah 30:21

I became familiar again with the realization
that for forty days,
forty nights,
every remaining moment of my life,
God continues to take care of me,
never-ceasing to save me.

He guards my life.
 

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

 

Yesterday, we argued
Today, I sit
eyes swollen from lack of sleep
tears flooded out my sweet dreams
creating a marsh of hurt and disappointment
and now the vision of our future is blurred

Love definetly makes you blind,
my heart has blacked out
dark hope adds more weight to it
making my medium body frame too heavy
I can’t find the strength to lift these bed sheets off my body,
I’ve flat lined emotionally,
mentally attempting to repent the verbal sins committed…
ego destruction,
refusal to turn the other cheek,
denial of loving our lover,
in a way that we want to be loved
–just for that brief moment

But at this moment,
my soul is in a temporary hell
I’m so hot…
heated…
burned up on the inside
wiping away tears steaming down my face at the same velocity of sweat
but ironically, we don’t seem to be working out

I’m paralyzed by fear and awe-struck at the same time
watching this man made fire ignite to the level
of causing injury in our relationship-
a work of art that people once gaped at
our beauty fades as fatal wounds on our pride appear
and we may not be able to survive from this

Suicide breeds guilt
the signs that were there,
we’ve both witnessed before
emotions overruled wisdom
and we both chose the wrong ammo to fight with

Communication is the most powerful and underused tool we have
its versitile purpose
shoots out comfort in being heard
and solutions to douse out problematic  fires
Where did we place our finger, when emotions were triggered?
Other than each other’s face?

It’s hard to rebuild a burnt bridge
damn near impossible,
when I can’t even find the strength to get out of bed

Love’s Death Bed

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

DISCLAIMER: I am not a trained relationship counselor and I’ve only taken one psychology class.  However, I’ve seen enough heartache, attended my fair amount of pity parties and passed plenty Kleenex to stop flows of tears that could create man-made lakes.  Therefore, I’m a self-proclaimed authority in unhealthy relationship avoidance. 

Although most would think the phrase “unhealthy relationship”  is a term that easily defines itself, it’s actually a subjective phrase.  I’ve found that those with a higher level of self-esteem have set definitive parameters in their relationships where the bullshit threshold begins and ends.  Conversely, there are more people who have yet to discover the euphoria of self-love and will put up with just about anything. 

It’s easy to be judgemental towards those who walk with their head hung low, heart in hand just ready to pass it on to any and everybody who will take it.  Finger pointing doesn’t solve the problem and in my opinion it perpetuates the pronounced problems in intimate relationships .  I believe that healthy relationships are formed from the contribution of learned attributes of two willing partners.  Attributes such as respect, honesty, humility etc, are not genetic.  They are acquired and should be a requirement. 

There’s many people with wisdom, gained from observation or first hand experience, on how to maintain a healthy relationship.  However, there’s a shortage of them that are willing to educate others.  It’s easy to nod in agreement while strumming the violin to the tunes of disappointment we hear in love one’s repetitive sob stories.  What’s not so easy is finding ways to recharge yourself once they have depleted every ounce of positive energy you held prior to being in their presence nd hearing the same crap again.  What’s not easy is knowing your love one’s desires for a healthy and loving relationship and witnessing them wallow in love affairs that are just the opposite.  What’s not easy is believing they are deserving of the love they give, but they don’t believe the same.

The one thing I’ve learned is you can’t tell someone to leave their existing relationship and actually expect them to do so.  On the other hand, you can structure a conversation by offering a few talking points in order for them to acknowledge some aspects of the relationship that appear shady as HELL!  Each one teach one has always been my motto. 

So, I’ve mapped out a plan for my fellow experts in unhealthy relationship avoidance.  We have to be of assistance to those that just don’t seem to know what they don’t know.  Stop handling them with kids gloves and give them a swift slap upside their heads with basic common sense. 

Here’s some talking points I’ve come up with.  The goal is after your love one hears themselves talk, they sound stupid to themselves. 

  • Does your woman spend more time with you than her children?  Does your man have child(ren) within 60 miles and sees them less than twice a month?  (Family should always come first)
  • Does her children have twice as many uncles than she has brothers?  Have you met his child(ren) yet?  If yes, how soon did you get introduced to them? (Discretion around their child(ren))
  •  Has your man ever lived by himself?  Exactly how many women houses has he lived at? (Leadership, Experienced at being head of the household)
  • Do they spend more money on alcohol and/or drugs than they save? (Priorities)
  • Is she ungrateful for any night out where you’ve spent less than $50?  Is his only idea of a date is sitting on the couch, smoking Keisha and watching a boot leg movie? (Relationship Intentions/Purpose)
  • Doe she say all men are dogs?  Does he use the term “bitch” to describe more woman than using first names? (Perspective of the opposite gender)
  • What is their two-year plan? Do you see them implementing it now? (Are they walking or just talking?)

Communication is the key in any relationship.  As a whole, when giving and receiving advice, human nature is to talk to AT someone versus talking TO them.  I hope my observations allowed you to think about how you give advice and also how you receive it.  I’m still learning myself.

The destination of this new found path we’re on
has our hands intertwined,
faces smiling,
my steps are slightly behind yours,
hearts blinded…
to whispered wished stop signs
by those who’s thoroughfare to self love is still under construction

This journey was a turn in the right direction that I almost missed
my mental road map was full of inked life lines
that had me in continual circles of disappointment
all in an attempt to find myself

I didn’t know where I was going,
I was fearful of the increased speed required by higher ways
that would land me at the starting point of my purpose
new territories made me feel timid
and although all signs read only the strong survive
I kept missing the message
due to my lack of third eye foresight

I wanted to live, life
instead of letting life dictate how I live
driving me crazy
self imposed
complacent cruise control
had me going nowhere

Until I gave you the wheel
and stopped fighting your attempts
to reach for my hand every time I pulled away
you found lost ways to make my frowns scatter
never failing to place me on your shoulders
when I couldn’t take another step
I let you chip away at the hardness of my life
to soften my heart

As a passenger with a window seat
I began seeing the color of flowers
clouds now had the shape of animals and letters to me
the grass appeared greener
I watched the height of birds
and envisioned how high I can soar with you

I can now embrace you
free of feeling awkward
and proclaim in a loud whisper
I’ll go where you want to me to go
my steps will follow the direction of your footprints
down the path to life’s joy

My walk with God…

(not sure how I’m ending it yet)

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

 

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SINGING “The sweetest thing I’ve ever known, was like a kiss on the collarbone”

…and the seductiveness of that moment
stays with me throughout the day
love muscles twitch and squeeze tightly from flash backs
until moistness in your play area
abruptly ends my day dreams
I want to run to my boss and say
I must leave work early today

My stomach feels queasy from nonstop fluttering
I’m barely able to stand on legs that has the strength of a wuss
palpitations of a fast beating heart
makes my eyes water, crying out your name
I have to get another dose of medicine
I’ve been poisoned by my orgasmic lust for you
and you’re my doctor and the antidote

SINGING “And when I get this feeling, I need sexual healing”

Kiss me gently on the forehead
using your lips to verify my whole body is feverish
affirming I’m hot for you

Make me better

Examine the deepness of my throat
dispense a liquid elixir to take away my dry mouth
put on your glove,
to complete the rest of this physical exam
while tickling the trigger spot on my neck
with the tip of your tounge
the sensation takes my breath away
bringing the tempo of my beating heart down

My breathing synchronizes with yours
and after three short moans
shoot me with your long hooked magic stick
pain never felt so good

SINGING “The make it alrighter
                   The get you through the nighter
                  The bad times undoer
                  The joy bringer
                 The love giver
                 He is…. ”

Yes, you are painfully pleasurable
I moan as you thrust inside me
requesting open hand smacks on my ass
inciting you to go harder
my screams you never try to muffle
you smile when the neighbors greet you by your name
every time you make house calls
you’re the angelic twin of Dr. Death
curing my love illness
yet at the same time,
reviving it all over again

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones