Tag Archive: 2012 affirmation


I committed mail fraud
the day I confiscated my son’s note to Santa
a criminal act done out of heart felt intentions
to make a little boy’s eyes light up
as bright as the remaining working bulbs on our
anorexic, vertically challenged tree.

A crime of passion
with limited unhappy consequences
well so I thought…
especially since the ghosts of Christmas past
has known me to be the only parental helper
Santa has for him

My son’s seasonal wish list
with hand sketched hearts for postage
unintentionally excluding a destination of return if unread
innocence still gives him the confidence that all wishes can come true
when you believe with your whole heart,
so he made sure not to leave any white marks
in-between the red outlines.

As I unsealed the envelope shaped construction paper,
the cracks in our family structure became visible
avoidance is longer a strong enough adhesive
to seal emotional wounds

He wrote:

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is for my dad
to come and play with me
so I can tell him I forgive him and love him

Please and thank you.

On Christmas Eve,
instead of wrapping gifts
I knelt in prayer for a Christmas miracle
for Santa to deliver potential impossibilities down the chimney.

I hope the North Pole UPS workers delivered my letter.

I wrote:

Dear Santa:

Don’t let my son’s heart turn into coal

Please, I beg of you

Bah! Humbug!

For forty days and for forty nights…
I cried.
Tears rolling from my cheeks to silk bed linen,
the outline of wetness on my pillow case
resembles a shallow river.
Man made by me and my shallow emotions

Poor me.
Fuck you and
They ain’t shit
are the echoed sentiments
that bounce from my brain,
to my mouth.
From my mouth,
to my heart
until the grief decides to reside in my stomach.
No wonder I can’t achieve that 6 pack.

I’m full of it.
Full of confusion,
full of doubt
and the weight of my worries have me sinking.
Tears from everything opposite of joy,
is drowning my faith.
I’m caught knee-deep in other people’s crap
and I’m up to my neck in debt

Sink or Swim?
Where is my life guard?

Sink or Swim?
Who is my life guard?

The feeling of drowning above water
closes the hope chest containing my soul.
Now I’m having panic attacks
I need a breath of fresh air,
a little assistance to revive my reason
for believing in better.

Who can provide it
when mouths surrounding me are tainted like mine
swampy mixtures of complaints, self grief and pity
slobbing down their cheeks
hunger in their eyes,
ready to sink their teeth into my vulnerability.
I’m bleeding for more.

Sink or Swim?
I call out for a life guard

My wounds have made me weary
I just need a little bit of rest
I no longer can fight the waves of life
– sink or swim –
that come crashing down on me

Sinking –
I call out to God,
“wake up, shouting,
Lord save me!
I’m going to drown”
Sink or Swim?

“He got up and rebuked the wind
and the raging waters; the storm subsided,
and all was calm”  Luke 8:24

I hear God say:
Baby girl, just because you was sleeping on me,
doesn’t mean I was sleep
I’ve been waiting on you to wake up
and gain vision through discernment that
I’m the one that’s always had your back.

God told me:
I didn’t give you eyes in the back of your head
simply because you’re supposed to trust me
not the digits in your bank account
your girlfriend’s worldly wisdom
or the lies told by a man, you believe,
because he knows more of my scriptures than you do
I know what’s best for you!

Swim

I gave God my hand,
my worries,
my guilt,
my future
and he led me back to dry land
where my wounds would heal
and the ability to live self-inflicted pain-free
strengthens my faith
allowing me to walk the path to prosperity
God paved for me

“My ears shall hear a word behind me, saying
‘This is the way, walk in it’
whenever I turn to the right hand or whenever  turn to the left” Isaiah 30:21

I became familiar again with the realization
that for forty days,
forty nights,
every remaining moment of my life,
God continues to take care of me,
never-ceasing to save me.

He guards my life.
 

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

 

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m scratching my head
wondering where did time go?
It seems like you were crawling
not so long ago
now the sway in your walk
mirrors your God Father’s
and your mouth runs all the time
it’s like incurable diarrhea  of the mind
leaving many adults to agree
your spirit is gracing this earth for another lifetime

You’ve returned as this millennium’s prophet
as your mother I feel holy
glowing from my imaginary halo
after being crowned as the 21st century Mary
handpicked to birth and raise greatness

I feel constant pressure from my destined obligation
which makes me more grateful for your witty sense of humor,
the continuous sound of laughter in our home
makes a rough day at work and the intenseness of life all better

As your height is closer to matching mine
I become more appreciative for the memories we create together
the songs you write and sing to me,
the nights where you want to cuddle closely,
even when I have to fuss at you for acting like a baby
I remind you,
“You’re a big boy”
but deep in my heart,
I don’t want you to get any bigger

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m contemplating adding one less candle to your cake
while I close my eyes and make a wish the same time as you
I’ll ask for a touch even better than Midas’
my magic contact will press pause on your maturity
and you physically outgrowing me
I’ll make a plea for you to stay seven for one more year
when you’re just tipping the scales of being too big to fit on my lap
and during long car rides I can peep you napping in the back
drooling…
a lot…
when you still enjoying holding my hand as we walk across the street
because you still think mommy’s protection is still kinda neat
and you know the end results of disobeying mommy is kinda scary
so you remind me,
“Mommy-you told me to be a big boy”
deep in my heart,
I know prior to this moment
I should have been more careful for what I wished for

 Copyright 2012
Tenisha M Jones

The old folks and pro lifers say babies are not mistakes
they declare that the creation of a new soul is a gift from God
and while my moral being believes that to be true
the logical perception of my brain says something is all fucked up in this messaging

What words will I use to communicate to my baby
that he was conceived from an act of sin
to provide a lesson of realization
yet avoiding the visualization of the shaking of God’s head
at the time of his conception
I don’t want to cause him to walk with his head hanged low
because the timing of his entrance was a missed projection
since mommy was still carrying her maiden name

I’m a grown ass woman and I still can’t let go of a similar mental picture
I did a lot of praying in order to make my neck stronger
since my head was carrying such dreadful thoughts
just knowing my brother and I’s existence
is only because of my mom’s denials to make man made wishes come true

The women in my family were taught two important things regarding our vaginas
one-not to douche too often
two-never cleanse your womb of seeds
both are known to dry your pussy up
the latter is an undesirable stake
of the lustful mistakes
made by adults who like fucking each other
more than they like talking to one another
two people who labeled naked slow grinding as making love
so it’ll sound more acceptable
versus taking it slow and first falling in love
before creating a being stated to symbolize God’s love

I swear I’m confused,
I adore my son, niece and nephew
and I damn sure love being me
and having a big brother who will do anything to make me happy
but society’s label of the last two generations within my family being a mistaken curse
makes me pissed yet forces me to really think
we have to teach our children differently

My mom is my hero for believing she was a bearer of blessings
and I strive to make my father swallow his words
I’m an irreplaceable piece of life
a prize for his sobriety
but if the flip was switched on a manmade human substance vacuum
he would be missing mine and my baby’s existence
and our homemade Christmas and birthday cards
his walls would resemble his life without me-bare

A part of me will forever be mad at my dad
for his momentary consideration to kill me
but me knowing my soul’s existence was damn near past tense
forces me to take a stand on an issue that the man in my life accepts and respects
but my heart tells me he’ll never understand
since all his children and siblings were preplanned

An abortion would have made the story of my life an imagined dream
a fantasy that my lover would never have had the pleasure of experiencing
my son’s smile would be voided from the world
at no time would my greatness be known
I can’t fathom being a lost, erased, vacuumed and disposed of entity

All adults know the consequences of making mistakes
and most have heard the definition of accountability
whether they chose to apply it – is an individual decision
as is abortion

But me living an unwanted actually
gives me the conviction that humans should never play God
and decide to scrape his blessings away
I pled with people as well as myself to wrap it up
instead of wiping the world of an ordained soul’s permanence
The old folks and pro lifers say babies are never mistakes
and I happen to agree

© 2012 Tenisha M Jones

However your emotions sway, you will absolutely love the self published poetry book, A Gemini’s Syllogism

For Immediate Release

Tenisha M Jones
Pineville, NC
(704) 359-7044

THE SIDEWAYS LOGIC OF A GEMINI IS NOW REVEALED

Are you a fan of poetry? If so, you’ll absolutely fall in love with Tenisha Jones’ debut book, A Gemini’s Syllogism. Tenisha is a spoken word artist out of Charlotte, NC who possesses unique view points on love, social affairs and the nation’s morality.  A Gemini’s Syllogism is a collection of poems touching five subjects from two different perspectives. Each stanza provides thought provoking challenges for us all to view our neighbors with more of an open mind while taking a more realistic view of the reflection staring at us all in the mirror.

As a single parent, 30 something career woman, Tenisha Jones’ views are definetly not mainstream and her talents allow her to create unique imagery that serves as an easy yet delightful read.  Copies of A Gemini’s Syllogism are available for shipping for $10 and $1 for shipping.  The book can also be ordered for Kindle devices for $3.99.

To have a copy shipped please use the link below:

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Thanks for you support!

Greetings family, friends and fans.  2011 is coming to an end, yet this year has marked many new beginnings for me.  This year I developed a relationship and appreciation for myself which resulted in a love affair with my soul and an excitement for my life’s journey.  The epiphanies of 2011 helped me acquire gratitude  for life and the experiences it brings me.  Increased thankfulness towards God’s purpose for me has raised my faith to previously unknown heights and some areas of fear has subsided.  As a result, I was able to accomplish things I never imagined and set even higher bars of success for 2012.

In March of 2011, I released my first mix tape Spoken Word CD, Love Perceptions.  As a part of the creative process, I fulfilled a fantasy of having a nude photo shoot for the cover.  My decision came under the scrutiny of mixed reviews.   I survived emotional turmoil as my thoughts echoed over top twenty R&B tracks caused a rift in my family and conversely brought me so many fans and friends.  I stayed true to my core being for the entire project and invested in myself, ignoring the financial risks and potential embarrassment. I nearly quadrupled my investment and sold over 200 cd’s locally.  I’ve gained more knowledge on how to make my following projects a bigger success.  I was hoping to have my second CD released before the end of the year, but I’m being forced to learn patience.  In 2012, producers will create the hottest tracks and I will upgrade my writing skills.  The combination will gain worldwide recognition.

I watched my son complete several milestones in 2011.  He finished his first year of school top of his class with accolades from every teacher he came in contact.with.  Tyler Jones is becoming a synonym for creative as he displays a high level of intellect infused with the craziest sense of humor.  He became one of the youngest students of Eagle Tae Kwon Do Academy to receive his Black Belt.  I see an unlimited future for this young man and made a point to invest in his creative development.  He completed a 12 week training course with Charlotte’s Children Theater and began taking guitar lessons.  Although my income has been limited this year, God saw fit to make all of this possible for him.  That’s an affirmation that his artistic development at a young age is predestined.

I opened my heart and became able to receive love.  I’ve dated great men this year, with the exception of one (there’s always that one).  This year is ending with me in an exclusive relationship with exciting potential.  Love comes in all forms and I’ve gained some great friends this year as well.  Now I truly believe you are what you attract-and I like what I’ve been attracting.   However, I am still a work in progress.  By continuing to develop God’s image within me, I will attract who God has for me.  God won’t bless mess and I did a lot of internal cleaning in 2011.  The cleaning and emotional development will continue, as well as increased communication and listening skills.  I will act as if I am and prepare myself for being a wife.  I will also surround myself with friends who inspire me and can contribute knowledge or new experiences in my life.

I self published my first chapbook, A Gemini’s Syllogism, two weeks ago.  Being an author has always been a dream of mine and I’m quite proud of this accomplishment.  This year I will release additional themed chapbooks to offer audiences a variety of my work.  Additionally, I’d like to build my freelancing career to help supplement my income in 2012.  In order for these doors to open, I have to continue developing my writing skills and be willing to step outside of the box. 

2011 will be marked in my history as the year that joy entered my life.  2012 my levels of joy will be increased boiling over to my family, friends and co-workers.  The health of me and my son will be at the top of my priority list.  2012 is all about being a happier, healthier, sexier, more faithful and super confident me.  I’m appreciative for everyone who has helped me get to this point and will continue this ride with me.  I look forward to meeting those who will impact my life positively. 

212 in 2012.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpJQqzJj534