Category: News


“Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us,” is the nature of forgiveness.  I thank God that he placed the ability to forgive others in my heart.  I have been wronged in so many ways by teachers, co-workers, family, so-called friends and ex lovers.  I’ve even had to extend forgiveness to the man who currently holds my heart.  However, I’m not a bitter person, an angry black woman and a people hater.  I still amplify agape love.   I have really developed the talent to understand people for where they are in their own walk with God and I accept the fact that “hurt people, hurt people”.

I am a true believer in Karma.  When I became attuned as a Reiki Healer, I cleared my Karmic Debt and have become very mindful of how I treat people and what energy I put out in the world.  I am far from perfect and have added more things to my Karmic slate since then, but God knows I’m nowhere close to where I once was.  I say all that to say, treating people badly that has treated me badly does nothing for my soul.  Call me a punk, a pushover, gullible if you dare.  I just chose not to “hurt” a “hurt” person because they “hurt” me.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive myself.  I often question agape love versus the familiarity of misery.  I am working on this daily because the people I attract are actually a mirror of myself.  I’m confident that once I learn to treat myself better and truly take on a spirit of humility, that I’ll have less instances of being hurt by others.

Galatians 5:22-23  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

A Rose for My Ex Lover

This letter buried deep within my journal
will probably never find itself being caressed by your hands
studied through your beautiful eyes
or send a tingly feeling to the core of your chest

None of your senses recognize me anymore
it’s as if you can’t feel me,
a has been metaphor describes me to you
and us being in-sync

You stay out too much,
to touch and kiss me much
but I miss you much

Absence makes me fond of once shared laughter between us
but it makes my heart mourn
we’re dying and I can’t seem to grieve enough
who cares to be distant from one who has a portion of your soul?

Cool out periods between us make me cold hearted
time apart to sort shit out when my spirit knows it’s suppose to be you and me
got my brain stuck on depressing shit
and I look like the walking dead
I’m too damn pretty for this shit

God made sure we became reconnected after loving each other
in multiple previous lifetimes
so who the hell are you to fuck up continuously
as if we’re starring in one of those overly dramatic movies on Lifetime

You were blessed and destined to be in my life
but you’ll never control my destiny
I refuse to roll down hills of lost hope with you
into an abyss of misery
where we go,
our children follow
and baby neither we or our babies belong there

The view of dirt looks familiar to you
you’ve become an Indian giver to fertilized land
planting seeds one day,
snatching away its life at the roots the next

You’re the strongest coward I’ve ever known
afraid that the beauty of blossomed love
will take your breathe away and place your focus elsewhere,
growth

Dead things have become easier for you to accept
more bearable for your limited tolerance than to want more nourishment
Is that why you’ve buried your hope
your aspirations
your reasoning to be better?
Do you keep your hands in dirt to avoid the resurrection of lost dreams?
Or is the thought of blossoming into what you should be dead to you?

I tried all I could to divert your attention
so I can dig up what doesn’t suit you any more
you stole my heart,
in return I wanted to steal your perceived to be tarnished buried treasure
and replant it in front of our new home
so you can witness what a miracle transformation looks like
A rose growing from concrete

This weekend I invested a lot of time focusing on spiritual cleansing.  I felt as if I needed to get grounded among the abundance of the universe.  The benefits of taking time out of your day to appreciate the greatness already within your world are amazing.  Appreciation for the small things becomes more prevalent and sincere.  When your heart is filled with gratitude versus remorse or regret, it allows your true purpose to come forth.  Today, I give gratitude for God given talents.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

God’s light within you shines differently than your neighbors.  We all have unique talents to build an empire off of.  From my observation, those that are living out their purpose shine the brightest.  One of the famous sayings regarding following your dreams states “if you’re doing what you love, it doesn’t feel like work”.  If you read about the history of self made millionaires, they followed their passions first, and the money followed.  As a result, some were able to become the biggest philanthropist.  Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alicia Keys etc…  In the words of Steve Harvey “you can’t help anybody broke”.  Ain’t that the truth?

Last October, I decided to leave the sales field and I have been in a state of panic and uncertainty every since.  The occupation was stifling me spiritually as I felt I was not using my working hours serving the universe or fulfilling my purpose of being a healer.  My deeds were only getting a corporation and its executives wealthier and I got caught in a cycle of redundancy and monetary competition.  My experiences since, has made me more humble and trusting of God that he’ll keep me while I find my way on the path he wants me to follow.  I am so grateful for this journey.  Many don’t get the opportunity to step away from the hustle of Corporate America to truly find themselves.  Most that do, don’t take advantage of the time given.

I asked God to give me insight into what my purpose was nearly eight years ago.  Once revealed, I remained disobedient for years afterwards.  Now that I’ve allowed God to remove garments of fear from my soul, I am not only grateful but proud of the talents he blessed me with.  I am a writer, a counselor and motivator to many and most importantly, the sole caregiver of a young man that is destined to heal the world in his own way.  I am so thankful and honored.  Therefore, I vow to never let my light go dull, to consistently work on perfecting my parenting and writing skills, and to combine diligent work and non-wavering faith.  My eyes have finally seen God’s glory and my feet shall forever follow.

 

Over the past few days, the world’s media has had non-stop coverage of the hunt and capture of the Boston Marathon bombers.  The blasts resulted in three deaths including an eight year old boy.  His death made me recount another disheartening event when twenty elementary age children were gunned down in Newtown, CT December of last year.  While driving on highways, I see Amber Alerts flashed across electronic bill boards often.  Facebook posts give daily reminders that somebody’s baby is missing with pleas for the child’s safe return.  Today, I give gratitude for God’s constant protection on me, my children, my siblings and parents.

My son, who will be turning nine this year, spends most of his waking hours during the week at school and after school.  During this time, his well being is placed in the hands of school administration, bus drivers and after school teachers.  He has never come home harmed mentally or physically.  He and I are in the car quite often, we have flown and drove across the country and he spends a lot of time outdoors with his friends.  Thank God for ensuring we, most importantly he, made it home safely.  He may be bruised and scratched up due to his adventures of being a boy king, but his injuries has been nothing that home remedies and kisses in the right places can’t fix.

As I’m preparing to give life to another child, I am grateful for the power of motherhood and God giving me the ability to create and birth life.  It’s not until I lost a child due to a miscarriage that I truly began to understand the magic of carrying life within my womb.  As an unmarried mother of two, I have struggled many days financially yet Tyler and I have NEVER been without food, shelter, clothes and love.  I know God will safeguard the newest addition to our family as well.  I love him so much so this!!

Lastly, 2013 has seen a lot of deaths, either naturally or from senseless violence.  Nearly everyone I know has been to a funeral of someone who left this earth way too soon.  I couldn’t imagine the grief of my parents having to bury me.  All parents wish to have their children out live them.  Lord knows, I’ve had my knucklehead moments.  I also travel a lot by myself and love a good adventure.  God assured that I never ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time.  I look forward to seeing my parents at my children’s graduations.

I’m so fortunate to have my family and God in my life.  I’m learning to become less controlling of every moment and give custody of my life to the creator of my life.  In this day and age it seems as if the world is going to hell in a hand basket.  Therefore, being grounded and one with God as well as consistently keeping your children, brothers, sisters and parents in prayer is a must.  Giving gratitude to God for doing just what you ask for is an additional must!

“But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children–” Psalms 103:17

 

00-sergei-yolkin-the-end-of-the-world-has-been-cancelled-20121    
    

     Most will say that the last few days of the year should be spent in reflection. Others even go as far as strategizing how the first week of the new year will be spent. Believing that how you bring in the year is how the rest of the year will go. Admittedly, I’ve tried all these tactics in my past. I took a vow of silence the last 48 hours of 2011, in the hopes of receiving divine direction. It was the most peaceful two days I encountered. However, the year that followed was the most treacherous.

     2012 has a been a year of self discovery for me. Partly from forced life lessons, others I searched for. What I’ve come to learn is that peaceful moments will always reveal themselves when a person is in search of it. However, it’s the maintenance of peacefulness that we seem to struggle with the most. The wrestling of our spirits is what keeps many of us up at night or knelt in prayer. Our spirits act as if it’s imprisoned within us.

     At this same time last year, during my fast from speaking, I allowed my spirit to rest. As a result, I received the answers from God that I was looking for. Prayer, fasting and reading spiritual literature allowed me to subdue logical thinking that was blocking any other voice besides my own. Although, I hear God’s voice more frequently now, my own inner voice is still the loudest and has the most impact.

God’s voice told me go,
my own voice told me to stay.
Stay comfortable.

God’s voice told you to go,
your own voice told you to stay.
Stay safe.

     We have become a nation of comfortably safe insomniacs. We’ve slept walked into a time when Mayan culture predicted wouldn’t exist. We’ve witnessed the mass murdering of babies in a fashion we never would’ve dreamed of. The desire to remain asleep should be no more.

     The media laughed and corporations capitalized off the Mayan philosophy of our world coming to an end. No attention was paid to the additional aspects of their theory that this age in time could not be predicted as the “dead is to be born again”. Today, more than ever life is what you make of it. How can we live life to its fullest half awake?

     As many of the world’s inhabitants were preparing for the world to end, others mocked the predicted concept. There are few who prepared for their calling to teach to be revealed. Faith is a learned and re-learned belief. It’s the enlightened ones who allowed the imprisonment of their spirit, God’s voice, to start a new beginning by experiencing freedom. A purposed filled life isn’t birthed until your voice repeats that of God’s and your feet begin to walk down your newly claimed cleared path. According to the book of James, “for the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

     As 2013 approaches, reflect on all your previous reflections you have yet to act upon. I guarantee nights will become more restful and smiles will become a more frequently seen fixture on your face once you accept your membership as apart of the Holy Trinity. Your spirit should not be competing with the views of the world or your ego. In 2013, stop thinking so much….and just DO. Just GO! Just BE PURPOSELY HAPPY!

I posed a question to a group of girlfriends regarding communication issues within relationships.  Reason being, I came to a point in my own relationship, that I wanted to lead by example.  However,  I’m admittedly an untrained teacher.  My friend suggested that I read the book Love Dare written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick as a guide.  She mentioned her marriage was positively impacted by applying the principles learned in the book.

I must say that Love Dare, based off the movie Fireproof,  will be added to my list of literature that altered my process of thinking and actions.  The biggest take away for me after watching the film, is that submitting to unconditional love is a choice.  Without a doubt it’s one of the biggest and most rewarding decisions a human can ever make.  Conjointly, I accepted a new ideology on love –  love in its purest form is loving with every fiber you’re made of, expecting nothing in return from your loved ones.

The poem below was inspired by the film Fireproof.

“Loving is living simply because love creates life
and if the world we live in is full of boundless possibilities
why is it that love has so many barriers,
self-imposed restrictions
a most wanted list of superficial needs
a defined definite number of forgiveness passes

And we wonder why love don’t last
instead of offering up our last
we stop at half
fractionating the relationships in US communities
by using generational ass backwards math

A full circle never equated to 100%
and if you’re only willing to go half the distance
on a cut off, society drawn up road map
that statistically has taken marriages down the wrong path 41% of the time
then you won’t be able to comprehend
sticking it out when love starts to burn
and offer selfless self-sacrifice in order to douse the flames
you may or may not have cooked up
see fault is irrelevant when your home is crumbling to an unidentified house
sometimes you have to lose yourself to save your father’s inheritance

So let your heart boil to pure gush at the point of 212◦
the atmospheric changes will elevate your thoughts and actions
your ability to love beyond conditions
your patience to solve a problem when the solution isn’t easily divisible by two
x plus you has to equate to 360, symbolized by a wedding ring

Achievers always keeps the end goal in mind
so don’t proclaim to be marriage material
or a good husband or wife
when you’re only willing to work at it part-time
inhibited from giving more than your perceived all
due to an ailment that has made generations of men fall
pride.

Love and pride don’t mix like two people and one wish
you find yourself in serious…
a seriously lonely place
and although we all came in this world alone
no one wants to die that way
so love everyday with the end in mind
it’s the greatest gift ever to be bestowed on you in your lifetime
but you have to work hard to keep it indestructible
damn near fireproof…”   

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

DISCLAIMER: I am not a trained relationship counselor and I’ve only taken one psychology class.  However, I’ve seen enough heartache, attended my fair amount of pity parties and passed plenty Kleenex to stop flows of tears that could create man-made lakes.  Therefore, I’m a self-proclaimed authority in unhealthy relationship avoidance. 

Although most would think the phrase “unhealthy relationship”  is a term that easily defines itself, it’s actually a subjective phrase.  I’ve found that those with a higher level of self-esteem have set definitive parameters in their relationships where the bullshit threshold begins and ends.  Conversely, there are more people who have yet to discover the euphoria of self-love and will put up with just about anything. 

It’s easy to be judgemental towards those who walk with their head hung low, heart in hand just ready to pass it on to any and everybody who will take it.  Finger pointing doesn’t solve the problem and in my opinion it perpetuates the pronounced problems in intimate relationships .  I believe that healthy relationships are formed from the contribution of learned attributes of two willing partners.  Attributes such as respect, honesty, humility etc, are not genetic.  They are acquired and should be a requirement. 

There’s many people with wisdom, gained from observation or first hand experience, on how to maintain a healthy relationship.  However, there’s a shortage of them that are willing to educate others.  It’s easy to nod in agreement while strumming the violin to the tunes of disappointment we hear in love one’s repetitive sob stories.  What’s not so easy is finding ways to recharge yourself once they have depleted every ounce of positive energy you held prior to being in their presence nd hearing the same crap again.  What’s not easy is knowing your love one’s desires for a healthy and loving relationship and witnessing them wallow in love affairs that are just the opposite.  What’s not easy is believing they are deserving of the love they give, but they don’t believe the same.

The one thing I’ve learned is you can’t tell someone to leave their existing relationship and actually expect them to do so.  On the other hand, you can structure a conversation by offering a few talking points in order for them to acknowledge some aspects of the relationship that appear shady as HELL!  Each one teach one has always been my motto. 

So, I’ve mapped out a plan for my fellow experts in unhealthy relationship avoidance.  We have to be of assistance to those that just don’t seem to know what they don’t know.  Stop handling them with kids gloves and give them a swift slap upside their heads with basic common sense. 

Here’s some talking points I’ve come up with.  The goal is after your love one hears themselves talk, they sound stupid to themselves. 

  • Does your woman spend more time with you than her children?  Does your man have child(ren) within 60 miles and sees them less than twice a month?  (Family should always come first)
  • Does her children have twice as many uncles than she has brothers?  Have you met his child(ren) yet?  If yes, how soon did you get introduced to them? (Discretion around their child(ren))
  •  Has your man ever lived by himself?  Exactly how many women houses has he lived at? (Leadership, Experienced at being head of the household)
  • Do they spend more money on alcohol and/or drugs than they save? (Priorities)
  • Is she ungrateful for any night out where you’ve spent less than $50?  Is his only idea of a date is sitting on the couch, smoking Keisha and watching a boot leg movie? (Relationship Intentions/Purpose)
  • Doe she say all men are dogs?  Does he use the term “bitch” to describe more woman than using first names? (Perspective of the opposite gender)
  • What is their two-year plan? Do you see them implementing it now? (Are they walking or just talking?)

Communication is the key in any relationship.  As a whole, when giving and receiving advice, human nature is to talk to AT someone versus talking TO them.  I hope my observations allowed you to think about how you give advice and also how you receive it.  I’m still learning myself.

SINGING “The sweetest thing I’ve ever known, was like a kiss on the collarbone”

…and the seductiveness of that moment
stays with me throughout the day
love muscles twitch and squeeze tightly from flash backs
until moistness in your play area
abruptly ends my day dreams
I want to run to my boss and say
I must leave work early today

My stomach feels queasy from nonstop fluttering
I’m barely able to stand on legs that has the strength of a wuss
palpitations of a fast beating heart
makes my eyes water, crying out your name
I have to get another dose of medicine
I’ve been poisoned by my orgasmic lust for you
and you’re my doctor and the antidote

SINGING “And when I get this feeling, I need sexual healing”

Kiss me gently on the forehead
using your lips to verify my whole body is feverish
affirming I’m hot for you

Make me better

Examine the deepness of my throat
dispense a liquid elixir to take away my dry mouth
put on your glove,
to complete the rest of this physical exam
while tickling the trigger spot on my neck
with the tip of your tounge
the sensation takes my breath away
bringing the tempo of my beating heart down

My breathing synchronizes with yours
and after three short moans
shoot me with your long hooked magic stick
pain never felt so good

SINGING “The make it alrighter
                   The get you through the nighter
                  The bad times undoer
                  The joy bringer
                 The love giver
                 He is…. ”

Yes, you are painfully pleasurable
I moan as you thrust inside me
requesting open hand smacks on my ass
inciting you to go harder
my screams you never try to muffle
you smile when the neighbors greet you by your name
every time you make house calls
you’re the angelic twin of Dr. Death
curing my love illness
yet at the same time,
reviving it all over again

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m scratching my head
wondering where did time go?
It seems like you were crawling
not so long ago
now the sway in your walk
mirrors your God Father’s
and your mouth runs all the time
it’s like incurable diarrhea  of the mind
leaving many adults to agree
your spirit is gracing this earth for another lifetime

You’ve returned as this millennium’s prophet
as your mother I feel holy
glowing from my imaginary halo
after being crowned as the 21st century Mary
handpicked to birth and raise greatness

I feel constant pressure from my destined obligation
which makes me more grateful for your witty sense of humor,
the continuous sound of laughter in our home
makes a rough day at work and the intenseness of life all better

As your height is closer to matching mine
I become more appreciative for the memories we create together
the songs you write and sing to me,
the nights where you want to cuddle closely,
even when I have to fuss at you for acting like a baby
I remind you,
“You’re a big boy”
but deep in my heart,
I don’t want you to get any bigger

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m contemplating adding one less candle to your cake
while I close my eyes and make a wish the same time as you
I’ll ask for a touch even better than Midas’
my magic contact will press pause on your maturity
and you physically outgrowing me
I’ll make a plea for you to stay seven for one more year
when you’re just tipping the scales of being too big to fit on my lap
and during long car rides I can peep you napping in the back
drooling…
a lot…
when you still enjoying holding my hand as we walk across the street
because you still think mommy’s protection is still kinda neat
and you know the end results of disobeying mommy is kinda scary
so you remind me,
“Mommy-you told me to be a big boy”
deep in my heart,
I know prior to this moment
I should have been more careful for what I wished for

 Copyright 2012
Tenisha M Jones

The old folks and pro lifers say babies are not mistakes
they declare that the creation of a new soul is a gift from God
and while my moral being believes that to be true
the logical perception of my brain says something is all fucked up in this messaging

What words will I use to communicate to my baby
that he was conceived from an act of sin
to provide a lesson of realization
yet avoiding the visualization of the shaking of God’s head
at the time of his conception
I don’t want to cause him to walk with his head hanged low
because the timing of his entrance was a missed projection
since mommy was still carrying her maiden name

I’m a grown ass woman and I still can’t let go of a similar mental picture
I did a lot of praying in order to make my neck stronger
since my head was carrying such dreadful thoughts
just knowing my brother and I’s existence
is only because of my mom’s denials to make man made wishes come true

The women in my family were taught two important things regarding our vaginas
one-not to douche too often
two-never cleanse your womb of seeds
both are known to dry your pussy up
the latter is an undesirable stake
of the lustful mistakes
made by adults who like fucking each other
more than they like talking to one another
two people who labeled naked slow grinding as making love
so it’ll sound more acceptable
versus taking it slow and first falling in love
before creating a being stated to symbolize God’s love

I swear I’m confused,
I adore my son, niece and nephew
and I damn sure love being me
and having a big brother who will do anything to make me happy
but society’s label of the last two generations within my family being a mistaken curse
makes me pissed yet forces me to really think
we have to teach our children differently

My mom is my hero for believing she was a bearer of blessings
and I strive to make my father swallow his words
I’m an irreplaceable piece of life
a prize for his sobriety
but if the flip was switched on a manmade human substance vacuum
he would be missing mine and my baby’s existence
and our homemade Christmas and birthday cards
his walls would resemble his life without me-bare

A part of me will forever be mad at my dad
for his momentary consideration to kill me
but me knowing my soul’s existence was damn near past tense
forces me to take a stand on an issue that the man in my life accepts and respects
but my heart tells me he’ll never understand
since all his children and siblings were preplanned

An abortion would have made the story of my life an imagined dream
a fantasy that my lover would never have had the pleasure of experiencing
my son’s smile would be voided from the world
at no time would my greatness be known
I can’t fathom being a lost, erased, vacuumed and disposed of entity

All adults know the consequences of making mistakes
and most have heard the definition of accountability
whether they chose to apply it – is an individual decision
as is abortion

But me living an unwanted actually
gives me the conviction that humans should never play God
and decide to scrape his blessings away
I pled with people as well as myself to wrap it up
instead of wiping the world of an ordained soul’s permanence
The old folks and pro lifers say babies are never mistakes
and I happen to agree

© 2012 Tenisha M Jones