Category: national poetry month


“Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us,” is the nature of forgiveness.  I thank God that he placed the ability to forgive others in my heart.  I have been wronged in so many ways by teachers, co-workers, family, so-called friends and ex lovers.  I’ve even had to extend forgiveness to the man who currently holds my heart.  However, I’m not a bitter person, an angry black woman and a people hater.  I still amplify agape love.   I have really developed the talent to understand people for where they are in their own walk with God and I accept the fact that “hurt people, hurt people”.

I am a true believer in Karma.  When I became attuned as a Reiki Healer, I cleared my Karmic Debt and have become very mindful of how I treat people and what energy I put out in the world.  I am far from perfect and have added more things to my Karmic slate since then, but God knows I’m nowhere close to where I once was.  I say all that to say, treating people badly that has treated me badly does nothing for my soul.  Call me a punk, a pushover, gullible if you dare.  I just chose not to “hurt” a “hurt” person because they “hurt” me.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive myself.  I often question agape love versus the familiarity of misery.  I am working on this daily because the people I attract are actually a mirror of myself.  I’m confident that once I learn to treat myself better and truly take on a spirit of humility, that I’ll have less instances of being hurt by others.

Galatians 5:22-23  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

This weekend I invested a lot of time focusing on spiritual cleansing.  I felt as if I needed to get grounded among the abundance of the universe.  The benefits of taking time out of your day to appreciate the greatness already within your world are amazing.  Appreciation for the small things becomes more prevalent and sincere.  When your heart is filled with gratitude versus remorse or regret, it allows your true purpose to come forth.  Today, I give gratitude for God given talents.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

God’s light within you shines differently than your neighbors.  We all have unique talents to build an empire off of.  From my observation, those that are living out their purpose shine the brightest.  One of the famous sayings regarding following your dreams states “if you’re doing what you love, it doesn’t feel like work”.  If you read about the history of self made millionaires, they followed their passions first, and the money followed.  As a result, some were able to become the biggest philanthropist.  Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alicia Keys etc…  In the words of Steve Harvey “you can’t help anybody broke”.  Ain’t that the truth?

Last October, I decided to leave the sales field and I have been in a state of panic and uncertainty every since.  The occupation was stifling me spiritually as I felt I was not using my working hours serving the universe or fulfilling my purpose of being a healer.  My deeds were only getting a corporation and its executives wealthier and I got caught in a cycle of redundancy and monetary competition.  My experiences since, has made me more humble and trusting of God that he’ll keep me while I find my way on the path he wants me to follow.  I am so grateful for this journey.  Many don’t get the opportunity to step away from the hustle of Corporate America to truly find themselves.  Most that do, don’t take advantage of the time given.

I asked God to give me insight into what my purpose was nearly eight years ago.  Once revealed, I remained disobedient for years afterwards.  Now that I’ve allowed God to remove garments of fear from my soul, I am not only grateful but proud of the talents he blessed me with.  I am a writer, a counselor and motivator to many and most importantly, the sole caregiver of a young man that is destined to heal the world in his own way.  I am so thankful and honored.  Therefore, I vow to never let my light go dull, to consistently work on perfecting my parenting and writing skills, and to combine diligent work and non-wavering faith.  My eyes have finally seen God’s glory and my feet shall forever follow.

 

A friend of mine did a 10-day praise challenge and mentioned that the experience was exhilarating for her. During this time of chaos in the world and my own internal conflicts, I thought a praise challenge of my own would be extremely beneficial. Many times, most of our mental energy is spent on reflecting on the why not, why me, when will the pain go away- that we neglect to take pride and honor in the blessings we already have.

Today, I give gratitude to God for his Mercy. According to Wikipedia, mercy “is a broad term that refers to benevolence, forgiveness and kindness in a variety of ethical, religious, social and legal contexts.” God has provided a shield for me in all contexts above. I’ll admit that my personal relationship with God fluctuates based upon my level of happiness. When I am the most content in my life, I tend to stray from learning and meditating on God’s word. My dedication to serving others diminishes and my prayers are said in faint tones, if at all. It’s not because I’m arrogant enough to believe God didn’t help me accomplish the elation I feel within. I just become so wrapped up in the moments and/or relationships, that I have a two track mind. Me and mine.

Conversely, in times of despair and confusion, I call on God to save me multiple times in a matter of minutes. My spirituality has taught me that my relationship with God will never waiver. It’s amazing how watching/listening to Joyce Meyer before I rise out of bed to start my day, tuning into the gospel radio station during my daily commute or giving God thanks for the great and even foolish people I encounter, gives my day and every moment within it a greater purpose.

Today I give thanks and praise to God for loving me unconditionally although my love for him has been conditional at times. I’m grateful for the discernment God has provided me with that I need to improve my on and off again spiritual connection in order to keep joy within my heart. I realized today that I have always been forgiven and welcomed to talk to God no matter how high my sins stacked. Therefore, I need to extend a more forgiving and non judgmental heart to others. I’m forever indebted due to having the most loving figure known to man to talk to on the loneliest of nights. My debts will be repaid by loving and appreciating myself and my family more, proactively serving the community and extending agape love to every soul that crosses paths with mine. I will be as merciful to others as God is to me.

A(she) and A(men)

Luke 6:36

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

SINGING “The sweetest thing I’ve ever known, was like a kiss on the collarbone”

…and the seductiveness of that moment
stays with me throughout the day
love muscles twitch and squeeze tightly from flash backs
until moistness in your play area
abruptly ends my day dreams
I want to run to my boss and say
I must leave work early today

My stomach feels queasy from nonstop fluttering
I’m barely able to stand on legs that has the strength of a wuss
palpitations of a fast beating heart
makes my eyes water, crying out your name
I have to get another dose of medicine
I’ve been poisoned by my orgasmic lust for you
and you’re my doctor and the antidote

SINGING “And when I get this feeling, I need sexual healing”

Kiss me gently on the forehead
using your lips to verify my whole body is feverish
affirming I’m hot for you

Make me better

Examine the deepness of my throat
dispense a liquid elixir to take away my dry mouth
put on your glove,
to complete the rest of this physical exam
while tickling the trigger spot on my neck
with the tip of your tounge
the sensation takes my breath away
bringing the tempo of my beating heart down

My breathing synchronizes with yours
and after three short moans
shoot me with your long hooked magic stick
pain never felt so good

SINGING “The make it alrighter
                   The get you through the nighter
                  The bad times undoer
                  The joy bringer
                 The love giver
                 He is…. ”

Yes, you are painfully pleasurable
I moan as you thrust inside me
requesting open hand smacks on my ass
inciting you to go harder
my screams you never try to muffle
you smile when the neighbors greet you by your name
every time you make house calls
you’re the angelic twin of Dr. Death
curing my love illness
yet at the same time,
reviving it all over again

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m scratching my head
wondering where did time go?
It seems like you were crawling
not so long ago
now the sway in your walk
mirrors your God Father’s
and your mouth runs all the time
it’s like incurable diarrhea  of the mind
leaving many adults to agree
your spirit is gracing this earth for another lifetime

You’ve returned as this millennium’s prophet
as your mother I feel holy
glowing from my imaginary halo
after being crowned as the 21st century Mary
handpicked to birth and raise greatness

I feel constant pressure from my destined obligation
which makes me more grateful for your witty sense of humor,
the continuous sound of laughter in our home
makes a rough day at work and the intenseness of life all better

As your height is closer to matching mine
I become more appreciative for the memories we create together
the songs you write and sing to me,
the nights where you want to cuddle closely,
even when I have to fuss at you for acting like a baby
I remind you,
“You’re a big boy”
but deep in my heart,
I don’t want you to get any bigger

The number eight symbolizes new beginnings
and as this birth date is approaching for you
I’m contemplating adding one less candle to your cake
while I close my eyes and make a wish the same time as you
I’ll ask for a touch even better than Midas’
my magic contact will press pause on your maturity
and you physically outgrowing me
I’ll make a plea for you to stay seven for one more year
when you’re just tipping the scales of being too big to fit on my lap
and during long car rides I can peep you napping in the back
drooling…
a lot…
when you still enjoying holding my hand as we walk across the street
because you still think mommy’s protection is still kinda neat
and you know the end results of disobeying mommy is kinda scary
so you remind me,
“Mommy-you told me to be a big boy”
deep in my heart,
I know prior to this moment
I should have been more careful for what I wished for

 Copyright 2012
Tenisha M Jones

The concept of mourning an undeveloped
never seen before face
used to be pretended empathy on my part until March 14th

This was the first day that I experienced despair personally
as I looked at a monitor showcasing my life carrying abilities
I felt like a failure – my future flat lined
a developing baby’s body
excluding a heartbeat
is what I carried inside me

My body is truly a temple
now a walking grave for a dead soul
the doctor’s words forever engraved on the headstone-a brick laid in my heart
“I’m so sorry”
with the birth date scribed as undetermined

The doctor can’t resuscitate,
and I’m wondering why Ava didn’t make it
or why Alexander didn’t get to see me
pondering the idea that my man prayed for this outcome secretly
questioning was my womb unhealthy

Maybe an explainable answer would make my grief bearable
where the changing of my future twice in three months becomes more understandable
for once I wonder if my faith can be built on what’s tangible
like the sweet scent of a newborn
nestled tightly in my arms
as I lay on my man’s chest…

But my faith is still being developed by hoping for the unseen
while crying on my man’s chest about us now being baby-less
my lover repeats over and over in my ear
baby it’ll be okay
baby just pray
but he doesn’t say baby we’ll try again someday

All I can do is chuckle
taking on Kevin Hart’s philosophy of life
laughing at my pain
to remind myself everything happens in divine timing

My God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle
so I keep envisioning he saved me from the challenge
of raising a child who was mentally or physically damaged
or he mapped my future as my man and I being temporary
and Lord knows I don’t want to be a single mom of two permanently
this may have been a forced repentance of my sins,
a harsh consequence of having a baby out of marriage yet again

The state of my faith is fluctuating
much like my emotions from my leftover pregnancy hormones
my relationship with God is similar to relationships I have in the natural
I love him,
but I don’t really like him right now
he cheated on me,
took away my baby
and I’m still waiting for him to send me a sign of apology
confessing he didn’t mean to hurt me

Unlike the fate of my baby,
I can actually feel the strength of my faith dying
even through my anger,
 I’m pleading to God
to help me keep my gratitude towards him
for my son’s and I beating heart

I don’t want to miscarry God before I can see his face
so my lingering faith will praise him always
for the greatness I have yet to birth
although my growing baby is no more,
I’m still equipped to P.U.S.H.
I have other dreams God can make a reality
Rest In Peace my lost child to be

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones