Category: Charlotte African American Singles


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     Most will say that the last few days of the year should be spent in reflection. Others even go as far as strategizing how the first week of the new year will be spent. Believing that how you bring in the year is how the rest of the year will go. Admittedly, I’ve tried all these tactics in my past. I took a vow of silence the last 48 hours of 2011, in the hopes of receiving divine direction. It was the most peaceful two days I encountered. However, the year that followed was the most treacherous.

     2012 has a been a year of self discovery for me. Partly from forced life lessons, others I searched for. What I’ve come to learn is that peaceful moments will always reveal themselves when a person is in search of it. However, it’s the maintenance of peacefulness that we seem to struggle with the most. The wrestling of our spirits is what keeps many of us up at night or knelt in prayer. Our spirits act as if it’s imprisoned within us.

     At this same time last year, during my fast from speaking, I allowed my spirit to rest. As a result, I received the answers from God that I was looking for. Prayer, fasting and reading spiritual literature allowed me to subdue logical thinking that was blocking any other voice besides my own. Although, I hear God’s voice more frequently now, my own inner voice is still the loudest and has the most impact.

God’s voice told me go,
my own voice told me to stay.
Stay comfortable.

God’s voice told you to go,
your own voice told you to stay.
Stay safe.

     We have become a nation of comfortably safe insomniacs. We’ve slept walked into a time when Mayan culture predicted wouldn’t exist. We’ve witnessed the mass murdering of babies in a fashion we never would’ve dreamed of. The desire to remain asleep should be no more.

     The media laughed and corporations capitalized off the Mayan philosophy of our world coming to an end. No attention was paid to the additional aspects of their theory that this age in time could not be predicted as the “dead is to be born again”. Today, more than ever life is what you make of it. How can we live life to its fullest half awake?

     As many of the world’s inhabitants were preparing for the world to end, others mocked the predicted concept. There are few who prepared for their calling to teach to be revealed. Faith is a learned and re-learned belief. It’s the enlightened ones who allowed the imprisonment of their spirit, God’s voice, to start a new beginning by experiencing freedom. A purposed filled life isn’t birthed until your voice repeats that of God’s and your feet begin to walk down your newly claimed cleared path. According to the book of James, “for the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

     As 2013 approaches, reflect on all your previous reflections you have yet to act upon. I guarantee nights will become more restful and smiles will become a more frequently seen fixture on your face once you accept your membership as apart of the Holy Trinity. Your spirit should not be competing with the views of the world or your ego. In 2013, stop thinking so much….and just DO. Just GO! Just BE PURPOSELY HAPPY!

I committed mail fraud
the day I confiscated my son’s note to Santa
a criminal act done out of heart felt intentions
to make a little boy’s eyes light up
as bright as the remaining working bulbs on our
anorexic, vertically challenged tree.

A crime of passion
with limited unhappy consequences
well so I thought…
especially since the ghosts of Christmas past
has known me to be the only parental helper
Santa has for him

My son’s seasonal wish list
with hand sketched hearts for postage
unintentionally excluding a destination of return if unread
innocence still gives him the confidence that all wishes can come true
when you believe with your whole heart,
so he made sure not to leave any white marks
in-between the red outlines.

As I unsealed the envelope shaped construction paper,
the cracks in our family structure became visible
avoidance is longer a strong enough adhesive
to seal emotional wounds

He wrote:

Dear Santa:

All I want for Christmas is for my dad
to come and play with me
so I can tell him I forgive him and love him

Please and thank you.

On Christmas Eve,
instead of wrapping gifts
I knelt in prayer for a Christmas miracle
for Santa to deliver potential impossibilities down the chimney.

I hope the North Pole UPS workers delivered my letter.

I wrote:

Dear Santa:

Don’t let my son’s heart turn into coal

Please, I beg of you

Bah! Humbug!

“Making it easy, for the clean-up woman, to steal my man’s love”

 
Who me?
You can’t be talking to me
as if a woman like myself
would want to take that position
in any man’s life knowingly.
 
I’ve always had a distaste for leftovers
and I wasn’t hungry for what I’ve never had,
until he came along.
 
When he was served to me,
his plate appeared to be completely clean
no emotional residue left behind by you
he assured me,
he had room to carry both my son and I
he promised me,
he would position me in such a way
that only the finest garnishments would be placed on me
He knew just the right spices to add to my life
a worry-less mind
daydream induced smiles
made me sweeter.
 
I had no clue he was attempting to offset
the bitterness you left on his heart
like an invisible mildew
A modern day alchemist is what he is
turning shit to sugar
his pet name for me is what he prayed you could be
sweetie
 
I helped him turn back time
he’s at a place of happiness again
but I had no idea he was lost
still trying to find his way back
from the fork in the road you two paved
with a foundation less sturdy than quicksand
 
He never told me
the reason he feel in love with me
was because I stopped his heart from sinking
I wanted to be this man’s wife
not his fucking lifeguard
 
Shit I’m asthmatic
and loving a man who’s emotionally
coupled to another woman
is a never ending battle
that I may not have enough wind for
I repetitively use too much breath
repeatedly asking him to mark visible boundaries
that’s as clear to you as the stretch marks you earned
as the mother of his child
See there’s lines that you need not cross now
the happy beating side of his heart
the parts of his brain that still believes in his own dreams
I worked to revive that!
 
My hands are calloused from holding this shovel of hope
trying to cover the underlying issue
in my relationship with him
he still wants to create memories with you
while I’m trying to keep that part of his life buried
so he can live life with me
 
I’m tired of fighting with him
not because of what I do or don’t do
but because he refuses to accept
that he’s not over you
my heart can no longer be used as a rag
attempting to shine up your trash
to be my treasure
I want to be the only woman living in his heart
not the servant,
cleaning up the mess you two made
 
I quit
 
© 2012 Tenisha M Jones

I posed a question to a group of girlfriends regarding communication issues within relationships.  Reason being, I came to a point in my own relationship, that I wanted to lead by example.  However,  I’m admittedly an untrained teacher.  My friend suggested that I read the book Love Dare written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick as a guide.  She mentioned her marriage was positively impacted by applying the principles learned in the book.

I must say that Love Dare, based off the movie Fireproof,  will be added to my list of literature that altered my process of thinking and actions.  The biggest take away for me after watching the film, is that submitting to unconditional love is a choice.  Without a doubt it’s one of the biggest and most rewarding decisions a human can ever make.  Conjointly, I accepted a new ideology on love –  love in its purest form is loving with every fiber you’re made of, expecting nothing in return from your loved ones.

The poem below was inspired by the film Fireproof.

“Loving is living simply because love creates life
and if the world we live in is full of boundless possibilities
why is it that love has so many barriers,
self-imposed restrictions
a most wanted list of superficial needs
a defined definite number of forgiveness passes

And we wonder why love don’t last
instead of offering up our last
we stop at half
fractionating the relationships in US communities
by using generational ass backwards math

A full circle never equated to 100%
and if you’re only willing to go half the distance
on a cut off, society drawn up road map
that statistically has taken marriages down the wrong path 41% of the time
then you won’t be able to comprehend
sticking it out when love starts to burn
and offer selfless self-sacrifice in order to douse the flames
you may or may not have cooked up
see fault is irrelevant when your home is crumbling to an unidentified house
sometimes you have to lose yourself to save your father’s inheritance

So let your heart boil to pure gush at the point of 212◦
the atmospheric changes will elevate your thoughts and actions
your ability to love beyond conditions
your patience to solve a problem when the solution isn’t easily divisible by two
x plus you has to equate to 360, symbolized by a wedding ring

Achievers always keeps the end goal in mind
so don’t proclaim to be marriage material
or a good husband or wife
when you’re only willing to work at it part-time
inhibited from giving more than your perceived all
due to an ailment that has made generations of men fall
pride.

Love and pride don’t mix like two people and one wish
you find yourself in serious…
a seriously lonely place
and although we all came in this world alone
no one wants to die that way
so love everyday with the end in mind
it’s the greatest gift ever to be bestowed on you in your lifetime
but you have to work hard to keep it indestructible
damn near fireproof…”   

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

Yesterday, we argued
Today, I sit
eyes swollen from lack of sleep
tears flooded out my sweet dreams
creating a marsh of hurt and disappointment
and now the vision of our future is blurred

Love definetly makes you blind,
my heart has blacked out
dark hope adds more weight to it
making my medium body frame too heavy
I can’t find the strength to lift these bed sheets off my body,
I’ve flat lined emotionally,
mentally attempting to repent the verbal sins committed…
ego destruction,
refusal to turn the other cheek,
denial of loving our lover,
in a way that we want to be loved
–just for that brief moment

But at this moment,
my soul is in a temporary hell
I’m so hot…
heated…
burned up on the inside
wiping away tears steaming down my face at the same velocity of sweat
but ironically, we don’t seem to be working out

I’m paralyzed by fear and awe-struck at the same time
watching this man made fire ignite to the level
of causing injury in our relationship-
a work of art that people once gaped at
our beauty fades as fatal wounds on our pride appear
and we may not be able to survive from this

Suicide breeds guilt
the signs that were there,
we’ve both witnessed before
emotions overruled wisdom
and we both chose the wrong ammo to fight with

Communication is the most powerful and underused tool we have
its versitile purpose
shoots out comfort in being heard
and solutions to douse out problematic  fires
Where did we place our finger, when emotions were triggered?
Other than each other’s face?

It’s hard to rebuild a burnt bridge
damn near impossible,
when I can’t even find the strength to get out of bed

Love’s Death Bed

©2012 Tenisha M Jones

DISCLAIMER: I am not a trained relationship counselor and I’ve only taken one psychology class.  However, I’ve seen enough heartache, attended my fair amount of pity parties and passed plenty Kleenex to stop flows of tears that could create man-made lakes.  Therefore, I’m a self-proclaimed authority in unhealthy relationship avoidance. 

Although most would think the phrase “unhealthy relationship”  is a term that easily defines itself, it’s actually a subjective phrase.  I’ve found that those with a higher level of self-esteem have set definitive parameters in their relationships where the bullshit threshold begins and ends.  Conversely, there are more people who have yet to discover the euphoria of self-love and will put up with just about anything. 

It’s easy to be judgemental towards those who walk with their head hung low, heart in hand just ready to pass it on to any and everybody who will take it.  Finger pointing doesn’t solve the problem and in my opinion it perpetuates the pronounced problems in intimate relationships .  I believe that healthy relationships are formed from the contribution of learned attributes of two willing partners.  Attributes such as respect, honesty, humility etc, are not genetic.  They are acquired and should be a requirement. 

There’s many people with wisdom, gained from observation or first hand experience, on how to maintain a healthy relationship.  However, there’s a shortage of them that are willing to educate others.  It’s easy to nod in agreement while strumming the violin to the tunes of disappointment we hear in love one’s repetitive sob stories.  What’s not so easy is finding ways to recharge yourself once they have depleted every ounce of positive energy you held prior to being in their presence nd hearing the same crap again.  What’s not easy is knowing your love one’s desires for a healthy and loving relationship and witnessing them wallow in love affairs that are just the opposite.  What’s not easy is believing they are deserving of the love they give, but they don’t believe the same.

The one thing I’ve learned is you can’t tell someone to leave their existing relationship and actually expect them to do so.  On the other hand, you can structure a conversation by offering a few talking points in order for them to acknowledge some aspects of the relationship that appear shady as HELL!  Each one teach one has always been my motto. 

So, I’ve mapped out a plan for my fellow experts in unhealthy relationship avoidance.  We have to be of assistance to those that just don’t seem to know what they don’t know.  Stop handling them with kids gloves and give them a swift slap upside their heads with basic common sense. 

Here’s some talking points I’ve come up with.  The goal is after your love one hears themselves talk, they sound stupid to themselves. 

  • Does your woman spend more time with you than her children?  Does your man have child(ren) within 60 miles and sees them less than twice a month?  (Family should always come first)
  • Does her children have twice as many uncles than she has brothers?  Have you met his child(ren) yet?  If yes, how soon did you get introduced to them? (Discretion around their child(ren))
  •  Has your man ever lived by himself?  Exactly how many women houses has he lived at? (Leadership, Experienced at being head of the household)
  • Do they spend more money on alcohol and/or drugs than they save? (Priorities)
  • Is she ungrateful for any night out where you’ve spent less than $50?  Is his only idea of a date is sitting on the couch, smoking Keisha and watching a boot leg movie? (Relationship Intentions/Purpose)
  • Doe she say all men are dogs?  Does he use the term “bitch” to describe more woman than using first names? (Perspective of the opposite gender)
  • What is their two-year plan? Do you see them implementing it now? (Are they walking or just talking?)

Communication is the key in any relationship.  As a whole, when giving and receiving advice, human nature is to talk to AT someone versus talking TO them.  I hope my observations allowed you to think about how you give advice and also how you receive it.  I’m still learning myself.

SINGING “The sweetest thing I’ve ever known, was like a kiss on the collarbone”

…and the seductiveness of that moment
stays with me throughout the day
love muscles twitch and squeeze tightly from flash backs
until moistness in your play area
abruptly ends my day dreams
I want to run to my boss and say
I must leave work early today

My stomach feels queasy from nonstop fluttering
I’m barely able to stand on legs that has the strength of a wuss
palpitations of a fast beating heart
makes my eyes water, crying out your name
I have to get another dose of medicine
I’ve been poisoned by my orgasmic lust for you
and you’re my doctor and the antidote

SINGING “And when I get this feeling, I need sexual healing”

Kiss me gently on the forehead
using your lips to verify my whole body is feverish
affirming I’m hot for you

Make me better

Examine the deepness of my throat
dispense a liquid elixir to take away my dry mouth
put on your glove,
to complete the rest of this physical exam
while tickling the trigger spot on my neck
with the tip of your tounge
the sensation takes my breath away
bringing the tempo of my beating heart down

My breathing synchronizes with yours
and after three short moans
shoot me with your long hooked magic stick
pain never felt so good

SINGING “The make it alrighter
                   The get you through the nighter
                  The bad times undoer
                  The joy bringer
                 The love giver
                 He is…. ”

Yes, you are painfully pleasurable
I moan as you thrust inside me
requesting open hand smacks on my ass
inciting you to go harder
my screams you never try to muffle
you smile when the neighbors greet you by your name
every time you make house calls
you’re the angelic twin of Dr. Death
curing my love illness
yet at the same time,
reviving it all over again

Copyright 2012 Tenisha M Jones

However your emotions sway, you will absolutely love the self published poetry book, A Gemini’s Syllogism

For Immediate Release

Tenisha M Jones
Pineville, NC
(704) 359-7044

THE SIDEWAYS LOGIC OF A GEMINI IS NOW REVEALED

Are you a fan of poetry? If so, you’ll absolutely fall in love with Tenisha Jones’ debut book, A Gemini’s Syllogism. Tenisha is a spoken word artist out of Charlotte, NC who possesses unique view points on love, social affairs and the nation’s morality.  A Gemini’s Syllogism is a collection of poems touching five subjects from two different perspectives. Each stanza provides thought provoking challenges for us all to view our neighbors with more of an open mind while taking a more realistic view of the reflection staring at us all in the mirror.

As a single parent, 30 something career woman, Tenisha Jones’ views are definetly not mainstream and her talents allow her to create unique imagery that serves as an easy yet delightful read.  Copies of A Gemini’s Syllogism are available for shipping for $10 and $1 for shipping.  The book can also be ordered for Kindle devices for $3.99.

To have a copy shipped please use the link below:

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Looking in your eyes, gives me a glimpse of my future
and its brightness illuminates my hope in myself
making me proud of the woman I’m becoming
all while recognizing I’m not quite who I should be
and although your words and actions raise my confidence
I’m unborn to real love, yet nearly ready to call you Daddy

I want to place my heart in your calloused hands
but can you protect it from your inherited roughness
by shedding decades of your layered dead skin
causing you to go back to the smoothness of infancy
before you knew what love’s disappointment felt like
after working so hard to keep it
can I call you my baby as love is born again birth defect free

Continue to mentally make love to me as your words penetrate my soul
I want you to go hard to get me stimulated
ram my brain with your pleasantries so we can cum to trust each other
and conceive a new found comfort
I know commitment isn’t birthed overnight
so let’s allow love to take it’s time to grow inside both of us

Plant the seed of exclusivity
and I’ll carry your spirit with me at all times
while nurturing your every need
call me Mommy

Use my breast as a pillow to nurse the frustrations of the world away
suckle my positive energy so that handsome smile of yours stays-
while I’m cradled in your arms in a fetal position
I love it when you rock me to sleep
penetrating my canals so deeply
that when you exit me, I go through separation anxiety

I cry from hunger for you
gently stroke my face and wipe away the tears
hug me, whisper sweet reassurances in my ear
that my growth makes you proud
profess loudly to the world that I’m you’re little lady
show me by taking care of me, swaddle me tightly with honesty
so thoughts of us being together forever makes me warm inside

Teach me by example so submission becomes as natural as puberty
watch our money stacks get taller as I assist as your help mate to grow an empire
watch my hips spread as I entitle you my King and give you around the clock access to my empress
watch the tone in my voice when I speak of the feeling of being in love with you,
I’m now talking on some grown woman shit…

Giving you the confidence that you hold it down like a grown ass man
making you eventually ask for my hand…

Let’s raise love together.

©2011 Tenisha M Jones

 

IF YOU ENJOY MY WORK, PLEASE CONSIDER PURCHASING MY FIRST SELF PUBLISHED CHAPBOOK – A GEMINI’S SYLLOGISM FOR $10.  CONTACT ME AT tenishamjones@yahoo.com TO FIND OUT HOW TO ORDER A COPY OR USE THIS EMAIL AND SEND THE $10 TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT.

“Son we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded…”
Colonel Nathan R. Jessep played by Jack Nicholson

The first few months dating a new prospect you are becoming infatuated with the person’s representative.  Most single adults are aware of this simply because they are putting on a front too.  We’ve all been there, done that and keep doing it again.  In some instances, give the courtship 90 days and the person you are dating starts becoming everything you were hoping they wouldn’t be.  This person now is a champion playa, keeps a home so filthy that the door knob has dust, has replaced saying grace before meals with remarks like “this shit looks good” and has farts that sound so wet coming out that you throw up in your mouth a little bit. 

So what other choice do you have but to leave the walking ringworm?  If not,  you may be forced to sleep in shit stained sheets!  If you decide to leave, you more than likely will beat yourself up for lack of judgement.  You will put yourself through hours of self interrogation for not noticing the signs and/or ignoring the gut instinct that made your stomach churn when you wondered if they were the one.  Your daily prayer list has grown with the added request for an honest mate.

Just imagine receiving from a love interest what you state you desire in every mate – complete honesty.  What if the person revealed upfront that they are not exclusively dating anyone-and don’t plan to?  Acknowledging they only have time  to worry about their own needs.  Would you never speak to them again although you enjoy hanging out with them?  I think it’ll be a safe bet to assume that half of you would continue the game of cat and mouse.  Falsely believing that you have the emotional strength to stay in your lane.  Some may be ignorant enough to believe they can change their suitors minds. 

Lanes typically have a thick yet easily crossable line.  In the dating world it’s between friendship and fucking, homie and lover or should and shouldn’t.  Even knowing that your “friend” could care less about being considered marriage material, you still stick your toe across the line.  As if a tiny step makes you less susceptible to eventually having your feelings hurt than jumping in head first.  Regardless of knowing there is no chance in a cold hell that you and your “friend” will walk down the aisle in this lifetime, you still grow to like them.  You still choose to spend intimate moments with them.  You still choose to exchange fuck faces with them. Friends are friends because they like being around each other – right? 

It’s been my observation recently that today’s culture lacks self-control and we simply want what we want and worry about the consequences later.  Myself included.  However, all of us have to come to a point in our lives where instant gratification no longer excites us.  Especially if it devalues our long-term goals for ourselves.  So whether it be your gut instinct on the words coming out of someone’s mouth, listen to both and allow it to guide your actions.  Our creator only gives us what we can handle.  Frankly, a lot of us don’t want to handle to truth. Or a real relationship.