“Making it easy, for the clean-up woman, to steal my man’s love”

 
Who me?
You can’t be talking to me
as if a woman like myself
would want to take that position
in any man’s life knowingly.
 
I’ve always had a distaste for leftovers
and I wasn’t hungry for what I’ve never had,
until he came along.
 
When he was served to me,
his plate appeared to be completely clean
no emotional residue left behind by you
he assured me,
he had room to carry both my son and I
he promised me,
he would position me in such a way
that only the finest garnishments would be placed on me
He knew just the right spices to add to my life
a worry-less mind
daydream induced smiles
made me sweeter.
 
I had no clue he was attempting to offset
the bitterness you left on his heart
like an invisible mildew
A modern day alchemist is what he is
turning shit to sugar
his pet name for me is what he prayed you could be
sweetie
 
I helped him turn back time
he’s at a place of happiness again
but I had no idea he was lost
still trying to find his way back
from the fork in the road you two paved
with a foundation less sturdy than quicksand
 
He never told me
the reason he feel in love with me
was because I stopped his heart from sinking
I wanted to be this man’s wife
not his fucking lifeguard
 
Shit I’m asthmatic
and loving a man who’s emotionally
coupled to another woman
is a never ending battle
that I may not have enough wind for
I repetitively use too much breath
repeatedly asking him to mark visible boundaries
that’s as clear to you as the stretch marks you earned
as the mother of his child
See there’s lines that you need not cross now
the happy beating side of his heart
the parts of his brain that still believes in his own dreams
I worked to revive that!
 
My hands are calloused from holding this shovel of hope
trying to cover the underlying issue
in my relationship with him
he still wants to create memories with you
while I’m trying to keep that part of his life buried
so he can live life with me
 
I’m tired of fighting with him
not because of what I do or don’t do
but because he refuses to accept
that he’s not over you
my heart can no longer be used as a rag
attempting to shine up your trash
to be my treasure
I want to be the only woman living in his heart
not the servant,
cleaning up the mess you two made
 
I quit
 
© 2012 Tenisha M Jones
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